Whisper in the Void

Following the Herd

2007-01-22T17:47:00.000-05:00

I admit I'm a part of the herd. I'm sick of Blogger and have moved to Wordpress. I've tried to export Blogger into a Serendipity-based blog, but couldn't get it to work. As Wordpress was able to import my Blogger blog, that's where I am. So check me out at my new home. It's still under construction, so please pardon my dust.

Beaches

2007-01-21T22:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been around. I haven't felt inspired, and for me words follow inspiration. We've spent time at the beach for the past two weekends, which is unusual for us. It has been very de-stressing. Last weekend our friend Randy came down from Clearwater and we went to Sanibel. It was so awesome to see him again, and we did some sightseeing and drove through Sanibel and up to Captiva. So calm and peaceful. Today we went to Fort Myers Beach for a totally different beach experience. It was crowded and touristy, but still extremely relaxing. My leg is healing nicely. I'm walking normally and able to do some pretty good stretching. I hope to be playing tennis again in a couple weeks. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Living Room

2007-01-17T16:08:00.000-05:00

Our house has a very casual layout. It's a 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, with a greatroom and a den. We bought a new sofa a while ago, and just this past weekend we managed to find some end tables that we liked. So, for your viewing and/or vomiting pleasure, I now offer pictures of our completed living area. First is the sofa itself. It's not as wide as a standard 3-person sofa, but not as narrow as a loveseat. Chris has always wanted a lounger, and I preferred something with an ottoman, so we each got what we wanted. It's got lumbar support and is very comfy. The picture makes it look pink, and while there's nothing wrong with pink, it's actually a red terra cotta. Next are the end tables. Chris found this library ladder and thought it would be more interesting than a garden-variety table. Although the top is narrow, we plan to add a piece of glass to the bottom step so it has a full-size shelf. I found a small round end table that I liked. It goes well with the ladder table and the copper inlay in the top brings in the green from the chair. And there you have it: our completed living area. You can see from the picture we have a teak bar table behind the sofa. That's our "dining room." Behind that is the kitchen. Other than the den and bedrooms, that's our house. I hope you enjoyed this tour. Please remember to stop by the gift shop on your way out, and enjoy the rest of your stay!

Better Than Group Therapy

2007-01-16T12:47:00.000-05:00

I must say that everyone's responses to my Saturday morning post were better than group therapy. It really helped to know that you were all there, and I got so much input and so many different perspectives on the situation. I can't express how much I appreciate you. I wrote my little post on a whim when I awoke Saturday. I'd had a shitty week, the first full week after the holidays. Everyone around me (at work) was busy getting back into the swing of things, while I couldn't seem to find the energy even to walk onto the playground. I'm going through on an ongoing search for a fulfilling career, treading water at my current position until something else inspires me. Maybe it's the work, maybe it's the people, or maybe it's the environment. Maybe it's a little of everything or something else entirely. In any case, that's what brought on my little attack. I'll be posting some (hopefully) more interesting things this week. We finally got our living room arranged the way we like it, and over the holidays we finished the lattice on the house. I'll be posting about those events (with pictures). We had an awesome day this past Sunday, and that deserves a separate post all its own. Thanks again everyone for your help and friendship. Big hugs!

Self-help?

2007-01-13T09:10:00.000-05:00

MiKell's comment to my post on Thursday started me thinking. I swear my brain needs an off switch. That wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking how some people are truly self-starters, people who see what they want and just do it. My boyfriend is like that in some respects. He's never read a self-help book in his life, yet he's a successful manager of 13 people, is a dedicated and disciplined worker, and gets the job done. He doesn't need 12 steps or 10 days or 7 habits to do what he wants. He just does it. Why do I need help? What is it, what characteristic, trait, or intrinsic feature lets him do what he truly wants to do, while I drag my feet, fret over what I'm not or what could be or what could have been? Somehow I believe that what I need to succeed isn't inside me, but it's somewhere else, in a book, or a pill (another post about pills), or a jump-start or kick-in-the-pants or push-out-the-door. Other people pull themselves up by their bootstraps, while my shoe laces are tied to the chair leg. Someone, please tie me up and beat the crap out of me until I believe in myself. I can't seem to do it by myself.

We the People

2007-01-12T11:27:00.000-05:00

Kendall had a couple great posts about Mr. Bush's recent speech and the situation in Iraq. Please read his posts. I never could watch Mr. Bush speak without getting nauseous. This week was no exception. Instead of just sitting here feeling my intestines twist into knots, however, this time I'm doing something about it. I've sent a short email to my representative and senators telling them to do everything in their power to prevent Mr. Bush from sending more troops to Iraq. Kendall was good enough to include the links on his website, and I am doing the same. As Kendall said, if you don't know who your congressmen are, the websites will help you find them. House of Representatives Senate Make your voice heard, no matter what you believe.

Stuff

2007-01-11T12:51:00.000-05:00

Some of you noticed my blog was wonky a couple days ago. I made an attempt to move the blog off blogger, and of course blogger wasn't cooperating. After a few attempts, and a lot of swearing, I managed to get it back up and running on blogger. I will make another attempt sometime soon. Not much going on in the void. My routine consists of waking, working, working out, playing Warcraft/watching television, and sleeping. My leg is back on the cold/heat cycle, and I'm doing my best to stay off it even if it feels okay. I'm in another mid-week motivation slump, but doing my best to stay focused and not get too down. Whine, whine, woe is me, [insert favorite pathetic phrase], etc. Nothing new. I am reading a book called "Self-Discipline in 10 Days." It's a workbook, and I'm trying actually to do the exercises. I'll let you know how it goes.

Saturday

2007-01-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

The weather on Saturday just screamed "go boating!" So, we went boating. We prepped the boat, hauled it down to the ramp, and got ready to put the boat into the water. As Chris backed the trailer into the water, I hopped over the tongue of the trailer to grab the dock line. And guess what happened next. Go on, guess. I felt a pop. Fuck! Shit! Son. of. a. bitch. I had re-pulled my calf. It turns out it isn't nearly as bad as the first time. I'm still able to walk 90% of normal. But at the time, it put a serious damper on my spirits. Chris managed to stay upbeat, and he definitely helped me stay calm. Sometimes Chris gets overly cheerful when I get in a bad mood, and that tends to piss me off even more, but that day he didn't do that so as the day went on I got into a better mood. We decided to forge ahead with our plans to go boating. It was about 3pm when we started out, so we took a short ride to Burnt Store Marina for lunch/dinner. As we got near Charlotte Harbour, we saw a ton of sails on the horizon. They looked like white sharks teeth on the edge of the world. As we got closer, we saw a virtual fleet of larger sailboats. They were headed for the marina at the same time as we were, so we ended up entering the marina with a very large escort. We docked the boat and got a great seat at the restaurant overlooking the marina. All the sailboats were just coming in to dock, so we got to watch about a dozen sets of professional sailors dock their boats. It turns out these were all participants in a regatta. It looked like they had a blast, and we had a blast watching them have a blast. The food was great. The view was awesome. The day was perfect (almost). We didn't want to get caught on the water after dark, so we finished our food and headed home. We got home with plenty of time to spare. I put my leg on ice and we relaxed for the evening. That was our Saturday. At the time, I was channeling my mother in a fit of self-pity, but looking back on it, we had a great day.

Advertising Phobia

2007-01-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

Cola Boy recently posted about new and interesting ways advertisers are trying to peddle their wares, in this case, "The L Word." His post reminded me of an experience... The Story We have a favorite gay guesthouse in Fort Lauderdale. It's one of our favorite places to stay. It's luxurious, the guests are friendly, the staff is friendly, and it's just an all-around relaxing getaway. On our most recent trip I was talking to the newly-promoted general manager, a cute, 30-something guy who had always been extremely friendly and happy to see us. In the course of our conversation, he mentioned he'd been in advertising, an account manager or something of that nature. Interesting change from advertising to hospitality, probably not that big a stretch, but no big deal at the time. Later that same day I went to the office looking for some bananas (for eating...I'd just worked out at their gym...get your minds out of the gutter!). The manager was there and cheerfully pulled a bowl of fruit from the kitchen and offered it to me to choose what I liked. There was a mixture of ripe and less-ripe bananas in there, and he said, "Do you prefer ripe bananas? I personally like them on the ripe side, a little sweeter." I prefer less-ripe bananas. If they get too ripe, I find their texture too mushy. So I picked a less-ripe one and thanked him and went on my way. Our little conversation, however, had set off all sorts of bells in my head. I felt as though he was trying to pursuade me to pick a more-ripe piece of fruit, and I understand why. If it gets too ripe, he has to throw it out. But I felt as though his little confession of fruit-preference was intended to sway me. It didn't feel genuine. And I began to wonder if his smiles and cheeriness were part of the game or if I were being too paranoid. Somehow, the knowledge that he'd been in advertising had colored my perception of him. The Generalization Have you ever noticed how our society has become an endless stream of advertising? No matter what we do, there's always a sponsor, a banner, a button or patch, a logo, a brand-identification scheme, something intended to make us feel good or bad about one product or another. Something is always there to change or reinforce our perceptions. How it Affects Me The ubiquitousness of advertising has made me very suspicious of anyone or anything affiliated with that industry. Nothing gets me to change the channel faster than Billy Mays' voice. He barely gets through his intro, "Hi! I'm Billy M--" and I have dived (dove? diven? whatever...) across the couch, spilled my drink and elbowed Chris in the stomach, snatched up the remote, and changed the channel. The 700 Club, Fox News, anything is better than Billy Mays. I use Tivo religiously. If I'm watching a program that isn't recorded, I'll pause it to give me a buffer so I can fast-forward through commercials. I pay to listen to satellite radio because I can't stand the endless stream of obnixious car commercials on regular radio. WMMO, 98.9, in Orlando is the only normal radio station I've ever heard that's done commercials half-decently. I wouldn't doubt it if there is a documented psychological disorder related to advertising. Is there an advertising phobia? I might have it. The Conclusion This makes me sound like a jittery, paranoid conspiracy theorist. "Everyone is out to sell me something." Even though everyone is out to sell me something, I'm not really that paranoid about it. The manager at the guesthouse is still a nice guy. I just am a little sick of all the advertising. And I don't mean to offend those of you in the advertising business. We all gotta live. I just think it's gotten a little out of hand. This blog post brought to you by the friendly folks at Joe's Morgue and Clothing Emporium, "You stab 'em, we'll slab 'em! With style!" Buy one, get one free*. Yes, you too can have a BMW for $199/month**. Sorry this got so long. If you've made it this far, you win a free trip to Tahiti***! * Buy one item of $50 value or greater, get one item of $0.50 value or less for free. ** The cheapest one, with a $30,000 down-payment. *** Free for me. You still have to pay for it.

Too Many Buts

2007-01-03T23:32:00.000-05:00

I had a down day today. My job is a pit of inspiration-sucking despair, or rather, I let my job suck me into the abyss. I am contemplating alternatives, but....but but but...but enough about that. I want to make my job work for me. Hey! I said enough about that! Right. I worked out at 5:30pm today. The first time I worked my legs since I pulled my calf muscle. I couldn't really work my calves. I did some calf stretching, and that's about all I could do. I worked the rest of my legs with no problem, so I still got a good workout. I felt much better after the workout. The gym has become my monastery. I feel good after I spend time there. Maybe I'll become a personal trainer. After dinner, Chris and I settled onto the couch for some TV. Lo and behold, "The Producers" was on high-def. We'd never seen it, and frankly it wasn't high on my must-see list. I think I need to rewrite my list cuz I LOVED that movie! It was funny and cute and upbeat and it was just a fun movie. It was fun! I loved it. I had my laptop in my lap, but the screen blanked out from non-use. I was captivated. I was rivited. Thank gawd I could pause it (Tivo) because I had to pee so bad in the middle and didn't want to miss anything. I'm sure a lot of jokes went over my head, me being the non-cultured type, but I still loved it. (I need a seque here) I meditated last night, but tonight I'm too tired. As I write this, I've decided to try anyway. *breathe in* *breathe out* Okay, I'm back. I didn't meditate for very long, but it's better than nothing. I'm up past my bedtime. 'Night all!

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T11:22:00.000-05:00

It's 2007. It seems unreal, surreal. I've got nothing profound to say today. We survived and didn't get arrested, which was our goal for last night. We stayed home and played Warcraft. They had fireworks every hour, so I think we were celebrating New Years starting with London time. There was free "festival beer" all night, so people were getting hammered (even the 12-year-olds). All in virtual reality. Kinda fitting for New Year's. I hope everyone had a safe and fun night!

Night Out

2006-12-30T02:48:00.000-05:00

We took a disco nap. Awoke around 8pm. Took a shower, ate a snack, picked out an outfit. (sequins? Not tonight.) Jeans and a CK t-shirt. We arrived around 11pm. The parking lot was reasonably full, but there weren't a whole lot of people inside. Or, I should say, they were scattered all over. It's a big place. There are 5 separate and distinct bars, 6 if you count the patio. There's a sports bar, a karoake bar, the dance bar, an eclectic bar called "The Other Side," and an upstairs bar overlooking the dance floor. We wandered around a bit, got a drink ($4.50 for an O'Doul's!? And I didn't even get a kiss afterward.) A few people were dancing, so we took a turn on the dance floor. I felt awkward, but it was good to be out there. After we danced a few songs we went and got another drink and went upstairs to watch the other people dancing. There was one guy out there who had no coordination or rhythm, so we felt better about our dancing abilities. I mean, if he could be out there, and we didn't judge him, then hopefully the rest of the people in the bar weren't snickering up their sleeves at us. There was a good mix of people there. There were plenty of cute guys, several cute guy couples, a healthy population of lesbians, and quite a few straight couples. The straight couples are always funny to see because they cling to one another so tightly, as if to say, "Don't let go of me! Don't let the faggots get me!" It's always nice to see straight couples there, though. It shows there is some tolerance in the world. At midnight the drag show started. This bar does their drag show on the dance floor, so for about a half-hour, there's no dancing, which kinda sucks. We've been to some pretty bad drag shows, and we've been to some pretty good ones. This wasn't one of the good ones. My heart goes out to the performers, but the venue just isn't conducive to a drag show. They need to create a dedicated drag bar. If they ever elect me owner of the bar, that's the first thing I'd do. After the drag show, we noticed the bar was a little emptier than before. We got another drink and watched the boys and relaxed. After our drink we took one last jig on the dance floor. By that point I felt pretty good about my dancing. I was feeling the beat and moving with the music. I wasn't so self-conscious, and I felt as though I was part of the crowd. We left around 1:30am. My leg felt a bit stiff and sore, so I probably over did it, but it isn't too bad. I'll put some ice on it and stay off it for a bit. That was our night out, our New Year's Eve weekend celebration extravaganza! A little dancing, a little drinking (for Chris), and a lot of fun!

Resolution, New Year's Eve, Blogging

2006-12-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

It's amazing that 2006 is almost over. Yes, I know, everyone is saying that. If everyone's saying it, then it must be true, right? ;) I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. I prefer to set my goals throughout the year and try to keep a consistent, sustainable cycle of self-improvement. This year, though, I'm going to start 2007 with a resolution to be more self-disciplined. I haven't been doing yoga like I wanted, I haven't been meditating (I barely got started), I haven't been focused when I'm at work. So for 2007, I want to make small changes in my attitude to help me accomplish my goals: to be more at peace in my mind, to be more productive and happier at work. Any New Year's resolutions for you for 2007? - Our plans for New Year's Eve are to stay at home and not get arrested for anything. We'll probably go out tonight (Friday), but New Year's Eve will be a quiet one for us. The police have been too active around here for our taste. Totalitarian. Anyone have plans for a New Year's blow-out? - Blogging has become a huge part of my life in 2006. I spend time each day reading, thinking about, and commenting on what other people write. I feel sad when one of you is down, and I'm uplifted when one of you is happy. My daily activities are all tinged with a question: "Would this make a good blog post?" I take more pictures in the hopes that one of them might be blogworthy. Yes, I am a blog addict, and that's the way I like it! ;) I want to truly thank everyone for being yourselves and for sharing your lives on your blogs. And I can't thank you enough for accepting me as a person. The people I've met through blogging have enriched my life and made me a happier person. The friends I've made are amazing people and I look forward to getting to know you all better in the coming year. For those of you I haven't met, I can only say I hope to meet you one day. You are all special people. Have a happy and safe New Year's everyone. *group hug*

Relaxing Christmas

2006-12-26T15:11:00.000-05:00

Christmas was a quiet, relaxing day for us. We slept in, lingered over coffee and pumpkin bread, and lazed around for a few hours. Sorted arrived around 2:30pm, and Chris started cooking dinner. We watched "Chocolat" while dinner was cooking. Sorted had never seen it, so it was fortunate we were there to edumicate him.

We ate dinner around 6:00pm, and it was delicious. Chris made turkey breast, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. Yummy! After that, we relaxed on the couch and watched "Office Space." Sorted's modern education is obviously lagging, as he hadn't seen this movie either. *gasp!*

We finished the evening with pumpkin pie and quiet conversation. All-in-all, a wonderful day! I'm still relaxed from yesterday, so that's all I got for today. Hope your Christmases or holidays or Mondays were all happy.

Family and Friends

2006-12-25T11:44:00.000-05:00

We spent last night at my brother's house. There were supposed to be lots of people there, but my SIL's family bowed out at the last minute. My dad and his girlfriend were there, and a surprise: my mom and grandfather showed up. My mom and dad together for Christmas eve! Who'd a' thunk it!? And they were pleasant with one another! Mom was more pleasant with dad than she was with me. Amazing things truly happen during Christmas. ;) My nephew was the center of attention for the duration of the evening. He was all smiles and laughing and giggling. Everything was interesting. He opened his presents from grandma and grandpa, and while daddy was taking the toys out of their boxes and removing any dangerous parts, nephew was busy turning the wrapping into a toy, running around waving it in the air. Occasionally he'd bump into something or fall over, and there would be tears, but as soon as something else caught his attention, it was back to smiles and giggles. After nephew was put to bed, daddy and Uncle Chris got out the big present for Christmas morning (a Playschool train set). I swear daddy and Uncle Chris had as much fun putting it together as nephew will have playing with it. Once it was assembled, we all sat around playing with it, and the interest of the adults was hilarious. The age range on the box said 2+, and they weren't kidding about the plus. We left my brother's house around 9:30pm, came home, and immediately went next door to our neighbor's Christmas Eve party. Given that the party started around 3pm and we arrived around 10:00pm, everyone already was very sloshed. The host's entire family was there, and he has one son (Joey) who is particularly cute. Joey's also very nice, so we chatted with him for a while. Other neighbors we hadn't seen since last year's Christmas Eve party were there, and we talked to them all, though I'm sure they won't remember it. That was our Christmas Eve. Today will be spent relaxing and cooking dinner. A quiet and peaceful day for us, something we wish for everyone. Spider said it perfectly, so I will pass that on as our Christmas wish to you. P.S., an update on my leg: it is healing very quickly. I'm able to hobble around without crutches, and it's getting better every day. I feel very fortunate. It is one of Spider's ordinary miracles. Thanks everyone for your well-wishes and good thoughts.

One day...

2006-12-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

This was a great week for me as far as exercise. I posted a while back about the weight training I do, but my routine was never really intense. I did full-body workouts and didn't really exhaust myself on any one exercise. This past week, I split my routine into three parts: legs, chest/back, arms/shoulders. I put a lot effort into these workouts. They were really intense, and I felt really good about myself. Tonight, I did my arms/shoulders workout, and then went to a tennis clinic. I was a little concerned about overdoing it, but I really wanted to get my workout in and definitely wanted to play tennis. An hour into the tennis clinic, I was getting ready to charge forward to chase a ball, and I felt a pop in my left calf muscle. It felt like a tennis ball had hit me, and that's what I thought had happened. I didn't understand how a ball had hit me from behind, but that's exactly how it felt. My next step hurt, and I pulled up. I thought I had a cramp, so I hopped over to the fence, gingerly putting weight on my leg. The pain got worse, and I began to realize that this was something more than a cramp. By now, the rest of the clinic members were coming over to see what the problem was. I found that I couldn't put any pressure on my left leg, and I had to hop to a bench. I had a group of people standing over me, one person ran to get ice, and everyone was offering help. I felt kind of silly, but I appreciated everyone's concern. The ice arrived along with the owner of the club. One of the clinic members is an ER doctor, and the owner had a physical therapist on the phone. Prescription: ice and elevation for 48 hours. Then alternating heat and ice with gentle stretching as possible. Advil for swelling, up to 800mg at a time. No tennis for 6 weeks. Fuck. One day, I'm feeling great, working out, kickin' exercise butt. The next day, I'm an invalid, unable to walk, sitting with my leg on ice. Today I was so looking forward to a weekend of having fun and working on the house. Tonight I think I'm gonna be spending a few days in this chair. Amazing how things change so much in so little time. I didn't see this coming. I guess no one does. The pain in my leg is tolerable. It's the disappointment of not being able to do anything that's crippling. I know there's nothing to do but wait for it to heal. I'll just do the best I can to be patient and let it heal. As for what you can do to help, I'll quote Hawkeye from M*A*S*H, "Out of Sight, Out of Mind," episode 99: "...do whatever you were doing...you know, set your hair, iron your undies, get undressed...." Any takers?

Not Much

2006-12-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

I've noticed people are writing less in their blogs this week. I think everyone's overwhelmed with the holidays and/or burned out after a long year. There's not much going on with us. We have a few days off from work and hope to get some work done around the house and generally relax. Friday we have dinner with mom. I'll let you know if I'm still sober afterward. Kidding. ;) Sunday we have dinner with brother and dad. That will be a relaxing and fun event. That half of the family is a good bunch of people. No plans yet for New Years. Anyone throwing a party?

Are you ready?

2006-12-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

I've been asked this several times recently. "Are you ready for Christmas?" Kinda sounds like I'm taking the SAT's or having surgury or undergoing some other traumatic event. I may have said this before, but one thing that bothers me about the "holiday" season is that it's a one-time deal. It seems like so many people try to cram all their generosity and kindness into a few weeks, and when it's done, they go back to treating people like shit. Companies suddenly remember that their employees have lives outside of work. People send cards and communicate with friends and family when they otherwise wouldn't bother. The media run stories about something good happening in the world instead of their usual doom-and-gloom. Now, I'm grateful that people find time sometime during the year to be generous and kind. Something is better than nothing. "Nothing" is a pretty poor benchmark to judge ourselves by, though. It would be a wonderful surprise if someday the world acted like each day was Christmas, and the "holiday" season lasted year-round. To answer all those who have asked (none of whom read my blog), yes, I am ready for Christmas. My bomb shelter is built, it's stocked with a year's worth of rations (read: Mac n' Cheese and Doritos), I have enough porn and lube to last me a while, and we're ready for the long "winter" until next Christmas when we can expect to be treated like humans again. Thankfully, everyone I've met online doesn't fall into the above category. I have found kindness, support, and generosity in abundance in the blogosphere. Perhaps we can start a revolution of sorts, a "random acts of kindness" revolution. As Margaret Cho says, "I urge you all today to love yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint — unless you’re into leather. Then by all means use restraints."

Home Away from Home

2006-12-18T23:00:00.000-05:00

Last week Chris was in Orlando on business. We arranged to take Friday off and spend some time relaxing and getting together with our Orlando friends. I arrived Thursday evening and we met up with Sorted for dinner and a little wandering around Disney Village. Although our visit was short (he has to get up at like 4am! That's insane!), it was great to see him. Friday and Saturday we slept in and did some shopping during the day. Friday evening we went to the Orlando Science Center and saw their "Our Body" exhibit. It as okay, but their displays weren't much more than "here's a body part." There wasn't much information about the parts they displayed, wasn't much in the way of real education. They probably spent a lot of money on cadavers and scientists to carve them up, but they didn't put forth that extra little bit to make the display truly good. I walked out with an "eh" attitude, instead of a "wow, cool!" attitude. It's worth seeing, but only barely. Saturday evening started at the Portobello restaurant in Disney Village. It was a little expensive, but it was tasty. They had printer problems and lost our order, but gave us free drinks while we waited. After dinner we met our friends Joe and Paul (from Deland) to see Cirque du Soleil. Our seats were on the left side of the stage about 10 rows back. The show was fantastic. Joe pointed out that so many of their acts have a sensual undertone, and being so close to the stage, we couldn't help but agree. I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but if you like incredibly hot guys in incredibly tight spandex, this is a must-see show. Their acrobatics aren't bad, either. ;) Joe and Paul had to leave right after the show, but we managed to get in touch with Six and arranged to meet him at Pleasure Island. We hung out at the Irish pub and had a few drinks and talked until they closed. We witnessed a drunken brawl which was broken up by Disney security, and then one of the brawlers was hauled away by the sheriff. Live entertainment! It was awesome to finally meet Six, and we had a great time. Sunday morning we had brunch with Spider, Sorted, MiKell and TheHusband, and Spider's friend Brad. It was an event filled with good food and great company. After brunch we wandered around Lake Eola and ~~ogled several hot joggers~~ watched as people jogged by. It was a beautiful day spent with beautiful people (our friends, not the joggers). After the weekend, I felt totally relaxed. I'd forgotten about work, didn't care about anything, and I was just plain happy. I swear Orlando feels more like home than our own hometown, and it's because of the friends we have there. Guys, we think about you often, and we are truly grateful to know you.

Placeholder

2006-12-17T21:11:00.000-05:00

I've been away since last Thursday. I have lots to blog about, but no energy, so here's my results for the latest blog virus, er, quiz. Enjoy!

Pity Party

2006-12-13T17:36:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't been reading or commenting on people's blogs. I've spent the past couple days battling a wave of self-pity. And I'm not saying that just to get sympathy. ;) A quick google on self-pity brought up some interesting links. Here's a sampling of what I learned. ********** From the Urban Dictionary: "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. "...Self-pity is an icky liquid you swim around in when you blame the world for your problems. "...Worrying about things that don't even matter in the long run, you allow yourself to be overcome, and others to walk over you in whatever way they wish." From Living Life Fully: "Self-pity is an extreme form of egocentrism, and usually a result of a very selfish perspective of the world. People who regularly engage in self-pity are miserable, and they tend to make others quite unhappy, too." From Join the Fun: "I believe self pity to be the single most addictive thing in the world, partly because no one will admit to having it in the first place. "...[It's] much easier to admit you're a heroin addict than a pity addict, don't you think? ********** Self-pity is one of the things that dominates my mother's life. I don't know if I inherited the gene or learned the behavior from her, but it's something that's plagued me from time to time throughout my life. Like pessimism, self-pity is just a way of looking at things. That sounds so simple. Join the Fun has a technique for beating self-pity which I will try in the hopes of avoiding future attacks. If you suffer from (or even enjoy) self-pity, check out the link and give it a try. Let me know how it works for you. My name is Doug, and I'm a self-pity addict. I've been clean for one day. And counting.

Tis the season...

2006-12-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

...to get sloppy drunk! Not me, but others certainly did. Saturday night we went to a Christmas party in St. Pete hosted by our good friend Tom. We got there at 8:30pm expecting we'd be early, but there were already 50-or-so people there. Tom has an awesome old-Florida house with a huge back yard. There were four fire pits with chairs around each, a fully stocked bar, at least three coolers full of beer, and food and snacks galore. I brought my 6-pack of non-alcoholic beer, Chris had a bottle of wine, and we mingled. We met a really nice (and cute) guy named Randy, who incidentally also doesn't drink. We hung out with him the entire evening and got to know him. We exchanged contact info and hope to see him again sometime. This party was one of the most inclusive parties I've ever been to. While the majority of guests were gay males, there were also lesbians, straight people, whites, blacks, hispanics, older people, younger people, and transsexuals. It was really cool to see such a variety of backgrounds. As the evening progressed, a few people started getting more than a little tipsy. I rarely have stayed at an event long enough to witness the increasing effects of alcohol. I usually get bored or tired and leave, but we enjoyed talking with Randy, and we had plenty of entertainment to keep us awake. There was a cute young male couple who got very drunk and invited us to their party next weekend. There was a self-proclaimed metrosexual guy who mixed shots for a group of people and they all got progressively hammered. Someone tried to give him a sample of gay lovin', but he wasn't drunk enough yet, so that didn't happen, but he kept lifting his shirt and playing with his belt buckle, so there was something going on there. It was chilly out, so Chris, Randy, Tom and I got involved in a four-way hug-fest. (To keep warm! Get your minds out of the gutter!) After some drama between the host and an ex-boyfriend of his (The ex-boyfriend would easily qualify as one of Sorted's trainwrecks. That girl is a mess!), one of the guests passed out in a patio chair and got carried inside and put to bed. We reluctantly decided it was time to go at about 3:30am. The next day we heard the dude who passed out later re-joined the party wearing only his underwear, which he later lost, so I guess we left too early.

Vestiges

2006-12-08T15:24:00.000-05:00

Today I sold the last vestige of my drinking days: my kegerator. It was a good friend in times of need and it will be missed. Very little is better than fresh draught Bitburger on your own back porch. In other news... When I first saw this, I thought it was neat, but didn't feel a need to do it myself. As it literally is everywhere now, I don't want to be left out. Growing up I always was last to be picked for the team, so I guess I still feel vestiges of that insecurity when everyone else is doing something and I'm not doing it too.
create your own visited states map This map utility has been to more states than any of us ever will. ;)

Surprising People

2006-12-07T23:14:00.000-05:00

I had a couple nice surprises today. The tennis pro that I take lessons with is a nice guy. He kinda talks like John Wayne, but once you get used to it you don't feel like giggling every time he says something. Anyway, I've taken lessons with three different pros over the past few months. I've gotten a couple good pointers on things I'm doing wrong, but nothing to create a huge improvement in my game. Today, though, John saw two or three things on virtually every shot I made and things seemed to click really well. I'm always happy after I play tennis, but today I was thrilled with how well I hit the ball. John really surprised me, and I gained a lot of respect for him today. After my tennis lesson, Chris and I got massages. We don't get massages very often because they're expensive, so this was a nice treat. When we got there, I mentioned my elbow problems, and my masseur asked me a few questions, stretched my arm a little, and experimentally poked and prodded my elbow and arm. During the massage, he went full force into pressure points and deep-tissue massage that really seemed to hit the problems in my elbow. It's still sore, but it feels much better. I hadn't known my masseur was so knowledgable about such things, so I was happily surprised by the wonderful treatment I got. So two different people suprised me today with their skill and knowledge. I thought I knew better than to prejudge or underestimate people. I guess I needed a little reminder. Oh, and I didn't notice that I passed 100 blog posts. This is post 102. I never imagined when I started this what a wonderful world awaited me, full of friends and support and good cheer. I've said before, but it bears repeating. Thanks. You all mean a lot to me.

Delivery and HNT

2006-12-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

The solar panels arrived today. And there was much rejoicing....yaaaay. It was somewhat anticlimactic and a little amusing. The panels arrived on a single pallet, and the other parts in another box. After the pallet had been delivered, Chris and I stood around the stack of panels under the house and kinda looked at each other, shrugged, and then went back upstairs. Woo hoo. ;) Roadway either owns Penske Rental or they had to rent a truck to deliver our panels. We thought it was hilarious that a shipping company had to rent a truck. Maybe it's normal, but it was funny to us. It does say a lot that they went to that much trouble to get the panels to us, so for that we're grateful. We've got an electrician scheduled to install the electrical sub-panel and the solar installers scheduled to put the solar panels on the roof. I'll definitely post when the next steps are done. We're still planning a trip to Orlando December 15th through 17th. We hope we can get together with the Orlando bloggers again, and meet others we missed on our last trip. For HNT I give you me in the morning on the back patio as a front came through a few weeks ago. It was cold and rainy and I was out enjoying the weather.

What Shipment?

2006-12-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

Well, the solar panel shipment we were expecting didn't arrive. Here's the whole poop: 1. They still want to charge us an extra $100 to take the panels off their truck and put them in our driveway. The alternative is for us to disassemble the pallets on the truck and remove the panels ourselves. 2. Their best estimate for delivery was "sometime later this afternoon." 3. They didn't call us to tell us their truck broke down and we wouldn't be getting our shipment. We had to call them at 5:30pm to get a status. The shipping company is Roadway. If you ever ship something, be sure to use someone else.

Random Stuff and a Mini-Rant

2006-12-04T11:18:00.000-05:00

The solar panels are being delivered today. We discovered on Saturday that the shipping company wants to charge us an extra $100 to take the panels off the truck and put them in our driveway. I guess shipping something doesn't imply giving it to the person you shipped it to. In reference to Tony's post, the delivery guy better be cute. I don't care if he's smart. ;) We've also got the electrician coming today to give us an estimate on installing a sub-panel for the circuits that will be on solar power. Hopefully he'll be intelligent. Things are moving very quickly now! We're having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. We've got 80-degree weather (not complaining, just saying), guilt trips on the mom express (complaining), disgust with the video game riots and the obvious greed of the holiday shopping season, and a general feeling of apathy. We're gonna put up lights later today. Hopefully that will help. In other news, my elbow is an on-again, off-again affair. I'm gonna go to Costco and see if they have replacement elbows. I'll probably get two just in case. I've had some competition for the signed Whoopi Goldberg Guinan Doll, but I'm still the high bidder. We'll see how big this thing gets. The auctions for Bid2BeatAIDS last until December 10th. Ten bucks could land you a unique something signed by someone famous! Mini-Rant: A problem I see with days like World AIDS Day is that they come and go, there's a media blitz for that one day, and then its out of everyone's minds (everyone who doesn't have HIV). I'm going to try to remember that HIV is still a huge world crisis, even though it's now December 4th. Perhaps something as important as this needs a day each month to remind people that it hasn't gone away. In the past two years I've attended Pride parades in March, June, August, and October. Pride parades get me charged up, seeing there are so many of us out there (no pun intended), feeling optimistic about our activism and our chances for equality. It helps that parades occur throughout the year rather than bunched up into a single month. AIDS and HIV need something similar (other than daily pills, constant side-effects, and death) to remind the world at large that it still exists, that people still need our help, that we can beat it if we keep up the fight. /mini-rant

Stuff

2006-12-01T00:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the last day of hurricane season and we (Southwest Florida) had only one tropical storm the whole season. Reason to party! I had a crappy day Tuesday and Wednesday, but a good day Thursday. I played tennis Thursday evening. I feel so good after playing tennis, I gotta play more often. I haven't seen black-Jetta guy since that first time he approached me. I'm keeping my eyes peeled. It's funny how we feel pressure to come up with topics to blog about. And if we don't, we apologize to our audience. I'm not apologizing, I'm just saying it's funny how we feel pressure to. I want to say 'hi' to all my blogger friends, and give extra hugs to those who are going through a rough patch of life. Whenever I feel down, I get mad at myself for feeling down in the first place. Please don't let that happen. It's okay that things aren't perfect. Things will get better. Today is World AIDS Day. I'm going to be bidding on some things at Bid2BeatAIDS. Stuff goes on sale starting at noon today. I've never bid on this kind of thing, so I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm going to bid on what I can. I heard about Bid2BeatAIDS from Chris Tuttle. Take a gander at his site. He's a really cool guy, and hot to boot. Hope everyone's Friday is a good one. Peace and hugs.

Half-Nekkid Solar

2006-11-29T14:24:00.000-05:00

Things are moving forward with our solar install very quickly now, so we spent this past weekend installing the charge controller and batteries for the entire system. Step 1: clear out space for the unit. Step 2: build a platform sturdy enough to hold the unit. It has to be 4 feet off the floor due to flood elevation restrictions. The unit weighs about 1300lbs (590kg) with the batteries, 400lbs (180kg) empty. Although Chris doesn't weigh nearly that much, he tested out the platform's stability. Step 4: install and reassemble everything. Our biggest challenge was getting the unit up onto the platform. We called Rent-a-Jedi, but there was no one available at the time, so we just leaned the unit on the platform, slid it up, turned it around, and then tilted it into standing position. It was a bit difficult getting the batteries up that high, but we managed. Now to the half-nekkid part. Step 3 of this process entailed a little playing around. We assembled this thing under the house, which is open on all sides and clearly visible from the street. It was a little risky taking this pic, but it was for a good cause, so worth the risk. This pic was one of the less explicit ones. If you want the explicit ones, you gotta give me something in return. ;) And in case you're interested, here's what the inside looks like:

Pessimism

2006-11-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

Paraphrased from page 200 of "Full Catastrophe Living," by Jon Kabat-Zinn: A pessimist is someone who: * Blames oneself for the bad things that happen. * Thinks the effects of whatever happened will last a long time. * Thinks the bad event will affect every (or many) aspect(s) of one's life. In other words, "It's my fault, it's going to last forever, nothing will be the same." I don't usually blame myself when bad things happen. I'm pretty good about accepting my own humanity and realizing where the problem lies. The second and third bullets, however, hit the bulls-eye. I have many examples, the most recent being my tennis elbow. I was convinced that this would be a permanent injury and that I wouldn't be able to play tennis or work out, and my computer skills would suffer because it hurt to use the mouse. Right now, my tennis elbow is almost completely gone and I've been working out and playing tennis as usual. Evidence that it wouldn't last forever or affect everything I do. It amazes me that after all the self-help books I've read and all the therapy I've been through, the idea of pessimism never came up. This idea has aspects of cognitive therapy and self-talk to it, but as a unit, pessimism seems very powerful. I can see so clearly how my pessimistic pattern of thinking has contributed to my own misery. This seems so simple and obvious, I'm still shocked I missed it. So, I have a short-term goal to identify and alter my pessimistic thought patterns. I would like to thank Peter at Too Busy Living for recommending this book in one of his posts.

There's not much better than...

2006-11-24T08:12:00.000-05:00

Shopping for the ingredients to green bean casserole and finding everything at the front of the store. I guess lots of people make this stuff. Sleeping in on a weekday. The smell of fresh-baked pumpkin bread. Oh, and fresh-baked berry bread. Or both at the same time. Weekday afternoon sex. Spending a holiday with family who also happen to be friends. Thanksgiving for us was a success. We shopped for our groceries on Wednesday, fearing the crowds, but everything was right up front and we were in and out in no time. We got to sleep in on Thursday, and sleeping in is always nice, but it's double-nice when we normally have to work that day. Chris made not one, but two loaves of bread, one for dessert for the family and one for breakfast for us. After Chris got dirty in the kitchen we got dirty in the living room. The new sofa is perfect, in case you were wondering. Ahem. Then we cleaned up and went to my brother's house for a (mostly) relaxing dinner with him, his wife, his son, and our mom. Our nephew is a year-and-a-half, and is the most adorable little boy and just so much fun. Mom was her usual tense, uptight, spastic self (more on this later), but other than that, it was a great evening. I'm sure as I write this, people are busy pummeling each other for the right to buy the latest gadgets at super-discount prices. Hehe. Stay in your homes and you will not be hurt. No way are we doing any Xmas shopping today. We might brave Home Depot, but other than that, if we go near any malls, we're going in wearing body armor and a cup. There's not much better than relaxing on a Friday.

Thankful

2006-11-22T14:58:00.000-05:00

There are many things in my life I am thankful for. In addition to the traditional things, I'm thankful that I'm gay. Being gay has opened my life to experiences I would never have had as a straight white male. I might have never seen the bigotry that seems inherent in organized religion. I might never have felt compassion and sympathy for minorities (racial, sexual, and any others) in the world. I might have grown up an ignorant, closed-minded, soulless individual. Thankfully, I didn't. I grew up gay, I survived to see adulthood, and I'm fortunate to have loving family and friends. And I am honored that others call me friend. To my friends, via blog and otherwise, I thank you for being yourselves and accepting me into your lives. May you have a warm, fun, and safe holiday weekend.

Best laid plans

2006-11-19T22:39:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for the comments from my last post. Believe it or not, your reassurances made me feel better, and your ideas about life's passions gave me some things to think about. I guess I'm just jealous of those who seem to have found their passion(s) while mine continually elude me. Our weekend didn't really go as planned, though that's not a bad thing. We had planned to go to the Medieval Faire in Sarasota. We didn't go. Instead we went shopping. ;) We bought a few decor accessories and got lots of ideas for more decor changes. We spent the evenings playing Warcraft and enjoying the new sofa. I've been behind in my blog reading and commenting, so I apologize for not visiting. I will catch up this week. Hugs!

Passion

2006-11-18T00:47:00.000-05:00

The condo finally sold after a 2-day delay and some extra confusion on the last day. Yaaay! So much relief. We celebrated by doing nothing. We sat on our asses, played Warcraft, and watched TV. It was nice to just relax. It's funny, whenever anyone asks me, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" I respond: "Sleep." There was a John Mayer concert on DirectTV this evening, and it was really neat to watch him sing and play his guitar. He really gets into his music. He has a lot of passion and it shows. His obvious passion for music reminded me that I'm still searching for my passion. Anyone seen it? Its last known location was north-northwest-southeast, wearing a tan trenchcoat, a green floppy hat, and Birkenstock sandals. It responds to the name, "Hey! Get off your ass and do something with your life you lazy bum!" No, seriously, how does one find one's passion? It certainly ain't what I'm doing now.

Condo and Solar

2006-11-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

We went over to Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday to clean out the condo. We signed the sellers' documents on Tuesday morning, and the buyers are scheduled to sign their docs Thursday afternoon. We'll be getting the proceeds wired to our account, which we will then immediately put into our mortgage. Huge sigh of relief to immediately follow. Something I haven't blogged about much is the solar array we're adding to our house. A while back we decided to install solar electric panels to give us some backup power in case of a power outage, as well as to make our lives more environmentally friendly. Our original budget called for 0.96 kilowatts (6 160-watt panels). Our area of the country gets an average of 5 full-sun hours per day, so we could expect about 5 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per day. According to our electric bill, we use about 30 kWh per day in the winter and about 50 kWh in the summer. So our panels would provide between 10 and 15% of our energy. Not much, but it's a start. A few months ago we learned that Florida started a solar incentive plan which gives a $4/watt rebate. The 160-watt panels cost about $800 each retail, but the rebate knocks that down to about $160 each. Taking this into account, we can now budget for 18 panels (the most we can fit on our roof), which kicks our power output to 2.88 kW, close to 15 kWh per day. We'll be generating about half of our energy via solar during the winter! There are risks, of course. We have to pay for the panels up front and get them installed and then apply for the rebate, so its possible all the rebate money could be exhausted by the time our application gets approved. Of course, we'll be putting holes in the roof to mount the panels, and that makes me nervous. And the next hurricane could rip the whole thing down. Those are all "what-ifs," though, so we're not paying much attention to them. We have a good chance of getting the rebate, we're getting a professional installer to do the job, and you can't do anything about hurricanes except move. I know I owe y'all pictures of a lot of things. Add the solar to the list. Speaking of pictures, I don't have a HNT pic this week. Sorry for the "inconvenience." I'll try to get one for you next week. Hope everyone's having a good week. The weekend is almost here! *hugs*

Philosophy class

2006-11-13T11:13:00.000-05:00

This story isn't new, but it gives me renewed focus whenever I re-read it. *********** A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items on the desk in front of him. When the class began, he picked up an empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles settled into the spaces between the golf balls. Again he asked the students if the jar was full. They reluctantly agreed it was, a little less sure of themselves. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining space. Once more he asked if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous, exasperated, "Yes!" and a smattering of giggling. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else were lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Go out with friends. There will always be time to clean the house and do the laundry. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students walked up to the front, produced two cans of beer and poured them into the jar, effectively filling the space between the grains of sand. The professor asked what he was doing. "Professor," he replied "I just wanted to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

Tennis players might have fuzzy balls

2006-11-09T21:32:00.000-05:00

Today pretty much sucked. I was unmotivated, uninspired, and lethargic. I hate days like today. Things turned around at tennis this evening. I haven't played in a few weeks, but tonight everything went so well. My elbow didn't bother me, my shots were on, the other players were fun, it was just great all around. So I headed off the courts and toward my car. As I approached, a cute guy wandered over and said, "Hi. Is that a diesel?" We had a short conversation, he said, "Well, have a good night." I said, "You, too." He walked into the club and I drove off. About 30 seconds later, I almost turned around to find him and keep talking to him. Another blogger who I read regularly wrote recently about missed opportunities. I tried to find the blog but couldn't. I had just finished a great tennis session, was looking forward to dinner, wasn't at all expecting to meet anyone I might want to know better. Out of the blue comes exactly that: a person I might want to know better. Meeting people is something I want to be better at. I want to be better prepared, always ready for interesting people to pop out of the woodwork.

Workin' Out for HNT

2006-11-08T19:54:00.000-05:00

While working out on Tuesday, I thought it might be neat to make a video of me working out for y'all. Or it might be scary. Either way, I did take video of my workout and I used Microsoft Movie Maker to add a little title screen. My very first video! *squeal* This video tells me two things: 1. I'm much skinnier than I thought. In fact, for all the time I put into working out, I'm skinny and weak. I'm not sure that's going to change. It's who I am right now. 2. I need to work on my form a little. My left arm is closer to my body than my right. I might actually start making more workout videos. I got some interesting insights into my form and workout speed. It's also motivating, in that I now know I need to work harder. Anyway, happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

I took a pole...

2006-11-08T08:49:00.000-05:00

...and it was hot! Ahem. In election news, the positionless Republican candidate, Charlie Crist, won the Florida governorship. The day before the election, news broke that Crist doesn't support civil unions, even though in past statements he implied that he did. There are rumors that Crist is gay. Time will tell. Oh, to be a page in the Florida governor's mansion. Or do they have interns? The senate incumbent, Democrat Bill Nelson, beat Republican religious-right nutjob Katherine Harris. Harris still got 38% of the vote, which scares me. She doesn't believe in the separation of church and state, and is quoted as saying, "If you're not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin." In personal news, 2 days until sofa delivery. We hope we can restrain ourselves until the sofa delivery guys leave (unless they're cute). And next week we will be closing on the sale of our condo. It will be such a relief to be rid of that thing. Hope everyone has a Happy Hump Day!

Elections are a waste

2006-11-06T10:07:00.000-05:00

Political signs are ubiquitous these days. Every person running for office has a sign. But what do these signs tell us about the candidates? Anything? From what I can tell, the only purpose of the signs is to make sure every man, woman, and child knows the name of the person running. I was driving down the street yesterday and saw a cluster of political signs. There were five or six signs for Charlie Crist. Now, let's assume I wasn't going to vote for Mr. Crist before I saw these signs. As the first sign came into view, I'm sure my reaction would be, "Hah. I'll never vote for that guy." Then, my eyes fell upon the second sign. My reaction: "Hah. He's an idiot." Third sign: "Hmm...I wonder if he might be ok." Fourth sign: "He's not that bad a fellow." Fifth sign: "His wife is hot. Oh, wait, that was his boyfriend." Sixth sign: "I'm gonna vote for Charlie Crist, goddamnit!" My reasoning was thrown into a tailspin, however, as I turned the corner and saw a row of Jim Davis signs. Oh, no! Let's tune in and see what happens... First sign: "Hah! I'm voting for Charlie Crist." Second sign: "Yeah, right. I'm not voting for some spineless Democrat." Third sign: "Well, the Democrats do have a better record on gay marriage." Fourth sign: "Ya' know, he did vote against the gay adoption ban." Fifth sign: "I bet he's a great kisser." Sixth sign: "I'm a Jim Davis supporter, through and through!" Well, by the time I got home, my circuits were so screwed up I just sat in a reclining chair, stared brainlessly at the wall and chugged rum until I passed out. It was good rum, too. I wonder, are all these signs recycled? Are they made out of recycled materials in the first place? Now, I'm all for being reasonable when it comes to the environment. I don't think we should all live in straw huts and use enviro-composting toilets. But given the number of signs I've seen, and given the real effectiveness of those signs, it seems a pretty large forest was sacrificed in the name of nothing. So, let's assume a law is passed banning political signs. The other major outlet for political advertising is television. I was at my dad's house a few weeks ago watching the first game of the World Series. Now, I have Tivo and I religiously skip commercials (one of the few religious things I do). My dad, however, didn't have Tivo. The result: over the course of the game, I saw the exact same ads, sometimes back-to-back, for the same candidates, about 20 times for each candidate. Let's imagine what my thought processes might have been: First ad from Charlie Crist: message: Jim Davis doesn't go to the office. My response: "Hmm, Jim Davis is a slacker, I'm voting for Crist." First ad from Jim Davis: message: Charlie Crist has no plan for tax relief. My response: "Hmm, I hate taxes. I want a governor who will give me the most money. I'm voting for Davis." Repeat first ad from Charlie Crist. Repeat first ad from Jim Davis. Throw in a few ads for candidates for Chief Financial Officer. Repeat a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Charlie Crist a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Jim Davis a few dozen times. Who the fuck won the game? Who knows. I think Charlie Crist was on first, and Jim Davis was on second, and the pitcher and catcher were in the dugout fucking each other's brains out. And I'm voting for the David Eckstein for president cuz he's cute. Again, I ended up at home in a reclining chair, staring into space, chugging rum. This time it was the cheap shit. My idea for elections: 1. No signs. No television ads. No radio ads. Save the tax payers a shitload of money and spend it on feeding homeless children. Take corporate contributions out of the loop because there's nothing to spend money on. 2. Schedule multiple debates between all the candidates over the course of the election. And I mean ALL THE CANDIDATES. No more of this excluding the independent candidates shit. 3. Each candidate is allowed to publish a summary of their stance on the issues in the newspaper along with their voting history. A separate section of the paper will be dedicated to this, and it will be provided free of charge at all newspaper outlets. Here's where the candidates can spend their millions of dollars in campaign money. 4. Election day is a national holiday and a retail-closed holiday. Anyone who is forced to work (e.g., gas-station attendants, hospital and police, etc.) will be given a special opportunity to vote, maybe the day before, similar to early voting. Hopefully doing elections this way would eliminate the waste and pollution, both in the environment and in our daily lives. I have a tendency to be naive and unsophisticated, so I'm sure there are all sorts of holes in these ideas. Feel free to comment and let me know.

Sunday Thoughts

2006-11-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

A pair of Jehovah's witnesses came up the steps as Chris was making coffee this morning. He was naked, and he ran back into the bedroom to put on some shorts. I was a little disappointed Chris didn't answer the door naked, or at least call me out to speak with them (I was still in bed and also naked). I would have given them the full monty in a heartbeat. Today we decided to check out "Taste of the Town" in downtown Fort Myers. They advertised 3 stages, food from local restaurants, and a lot of people. We'd never been, so we didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be a half-decent event, though not for the supposed purpose of the event. The bands were excellent, the people watching was fantastic, but the food left a lot to be desired. It was expensive, and the food was either cold or stale. Next year, we'll bring chairs with us and go with a group of people and just camp out, people watch, listen to the music, and eat before we go. lol After we got back from TotT, I built a little monitor stand for my new monitor. I still have to paint it, so I'll take a picture of it once it's all done. We finished the day playing World of Warcraft. We hadn't played in a few months, but we picked up where we left off and did pretty well. It's a fun game, but it can easily eat up all your time if you're not careful. We're looking forward to the election. It will be encouraging to exercise our rights, and it will be a relief to be done with all the campaigns. Eventually this country will figure out how to do elections in a civilized manner. I can't imagine how many trees were sacrificed to make the bazillion campaign signs that are blanketing the country, and it's sick to think about all the money that was spent on campaign ads. How many people could we feed with that money?

Miss Elainey

2006-11-04T10:25:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a lot more blog reading than blog writing of late. My moods have been good for the past couple days. I did start doing a detailed mood journal. I've got 2 days of data so far. I hope I can keep doing it. I will let you know how it goes. Not much is going on. We were planning to go boating today, but some lady named Gale is out there blowing as hard as she can. No way we're going out on the water. Last night I bought a new LCD monitor for work. It's a Samsung 204BW, 20" widescreen, $350 at CompUSA. It is sweet. It'll make work a lot easier, and more fun. (Did I just say that?) Now I gotta build a little stand for it, cuz my laptop docking station is one of those without a monitor stand. In other news, we ordered a sofa in July, and we got a call this morning telling us it will be delivered on Friday. When we ordered it, they said 8-12 weeks. It actually took 14 weeks. Something about the whole country of Italy taking the month of August off. Why can't they build these damn things here? Americans only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. We'd have had our sofa months ago. Of course, it would have collapsed within a week because Americans are overworked and stressed out to do a good job, but at least we would have had it. ;) Hope y'all have a great weekend. *hugs*

Searching for the lightswitch

2006-11-02T09:36:00.000-05:00

It is as though a switch, hidden inside me where I cannot find it, was turned on. I am my normal self this morning. I have searched unsuccessfully for the location of this switch. I have no option but to keep searching. Looking at my blog, here are days I was in a funk: 11/1, 10/24, 10/8, 9/20, 9/1, 8/28, 8/14 There's no apparent pattern, but this is a very limited sample. Although I have been tinkering with my Effexor dosage in an effort to reduce the side-effects, I've been having these kinds of off-days for years, so I don't think the drugs are the cause. Too bad I didn't keep a mood log from before I started my blog. I know it's not realistic to expect every day to be sunshine and lollipops. My concern is that my moods don't seem to be related to any specific event. I'm not sad or angry about something, I'm just sad or angry. I wake up some days feeling out of sorts for no apparent reason. A detailed mood log along with a diet, exercise, and event log would probably help pinpoint the cause. Hehe, when I'm feeling good, I think I don't need to do that kind of thing, and when I'm feeling bad, I think that kind of thing is useless crap. I can hear my therapist saying with good-natured humor, "Well, the choice is entirely up to you. Do the work or not. I can't force you." Thanks for the comments yesterday. They helped.

Candy, Mood

2006-11-01T16:16:00.000-05:00

We had a pretty good turnout for Hallowe'en last night. We have no candy left over, so that's a good thing. I've been in a pissy mood since last night. Everything's been pissing me off. I get this way sometimes. I just try to do nothing and see nobody and wait for it to pass. It always passes, it's just a matter of time. I've been to therapy for this with no resolution. I've been on several medications, and I still get this way no matter what I take. I try affirmations, I try to go into a different mental "room," I try yoga, I try meditation. Nothing works. Anyone know where I can get a lobotomy? Gaaaaah!

Berfday

2006-10-30T07:41:00.000-05:00

Today I am 36. Physically, I feel about 29 (except my elbow, which feels 50). Emotionally and mentally, I feel about 20 (and going down). I have mixed feelings about birthdays. On the one hand there are the wonderful memories of parties and presents, the attention I got just for being born on this day. The proximity to Hallowe'en helped, as many of my early parties were pumpkin carving parties. On the other hand, as an adult (yeah, right), I feel awkward about mentioning my birthday, and I don't yearn for the attention like I used to. I don't really want presents, but I suppose I do like the spankings (did I just say that out loud?). So here I lay, all dressed up for my birthday, wondering what the day will bring.

I'm Baaaaaack

2006-10-28T19:01:00.000-04:00

I'm back home from my trip to the office. The main purpose of the trip was training. My first class was a 3-hour "Networking" class. The course would be better titled "Building Relationships" instead of networking. The proposed bottom line for building relationships is to be a better person and others will want to be in meaningful relationships with you. I learned a lot and I hope I can apply it and become a better person. My second class was a technical class that was dry compared to the networking class. I still learned a lot though. During my visit, I discovered (or re-discovered) my enjoyment of solving technical challenges. Also, I realized how disconnected I have become from my co-workers and my job as a whole. I hope I can retain my inspiration and put effort into staying more in touch with my career and the people I work with. The other purpose of the trip was to gather any last items from the condo that we're selling. I spent the night in the condo boxing things up and making sure everything was ready for the sale. It was a little sad staying there. We've had the condo for about 6 years, and we put a lot of effort into cleaning it up, and now we're selling it. I told Chris when I got home that I didn't want to make that mistake again, that I wanted to stop dreaming about where we're going to live next and start dreaming about how we're going to make our current location our permanent home. I think he agrees. Chris has had the flu since Thursday and he's still feeling bad, so we spent today inside watching TV and movies. We watched the end of the World Series (TIVO'ed from last night). The MVP of the World Series was David Eckstein, the short-stop for the Cardinals. When the commissioner of baseball, Bud Selig, presented the trophy to David, he mis-pronounced David's last name (Bud said "Eck-steen", not "Eck-styne"). I laughed out loud. How can the grand-poobah of baseball mispronounce the name of one of the best-known players in the game? What a dork. David also was awarded a Chevrolet Corvette, but instead of a red Corvette (the Cardinals' color is red), he got a yellow Corvette. Go figure. Then we watched Troy. It was kind of slow-moving, but I found it entertaining. The eye candy helped. Brad Pitt must have really worked out to bulk up for this movie. Either that or his arms and chest were digitally enhanced. The shittiest part of the movie was the fact that they altered the relationship between Achilles (Brad Pitt) and Patroclus. In the movie they're cousins, but the historical myth portrays them as lovers. I've heard that Brad Pitt is desperate for a gay role after the success of Brokeback Mountain. He had one right under his nose and let it slip by. Shame on him. ;) That's all I got for now. Hope y'all are having a good weekend! *hugs*

On the road

2006-10-25T22:59:00.000-04:00

I'm heading to Fort Lauderdale to go into the office for a couple days. I won't have connectivity for my personal computer, so I won't be blogging until late Friday night or Saturday sometime. I'll be thinking of y'all! Have a great rest of the week. *hugs*

Working Out

2006-10-24T22:01:00.000-04:00

My "favorite" form of exercise is lifting freeweights. I put favorite in quotes because I'm not sure I truly enjoy it, but I get a lot of satisfaction out of it, I know it's good for me, and I feel better about myself after I do it. For a couple days after I work out, the muscles I worked are sore, and it's a soreness I've come to relish. I stretch the sore muscles frequently to feel the soreness, knowing that muscle-building is going on. I believe lifting weights sets me up for extended fat loss. Muscle tissue burns more calories than fat, so I burn more calories when I'm doing nothing. In addition, I believe the muscle repair process itself burns calories and redirects the food I eat into that process, thereby reducing fat storage. A few years ago I discovered Dave Draper's legacy. He was Mr. America, Mr. Olympia, Mr. World, and Mr. Universe in the late 60's and early 70's. During that time he earned the nickname "The Blond Bomber." He worked out with Arnold Schwarzenegger before Arnie was famous. Dave's legacy is in the form of a couple gyms in California, a fantastic website, multiple books, and a line of custom supplements. His website has tons and tons of info about working out, and I've found his books easy to read and get into. His writing style is very energetic and loose, almost as if he's there talking to you urging you on. I use his "Bomber Blend" protein powder. It's so easy to take I can take it with just water. I love the slogan on the container: "The secret is there is no secret....Spirited training and lots of protein." In other words, there are no short cuts to fitness. The only downside to Dave's philosophy, for me, is he is totally focused on muscle size and density, whereas I'm focused on maintenance and a balance of strength, endurance, and flexibility. My workout fluctuates based on what else is going on in my life. This past Monday, I did a full-body workout because I hadn't worked out in about 10 days and I played tennis recently. I did light weights and 1 or 2 sets per exercise. Here's what I did: Leg-raise: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Crunch: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Pilates jacknife crunch: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Incline Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Decline Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Flat Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Bent-over fly: 13lb dumbbells, 10 reps, 1 set Bent-over row: 40lb barbell, 10 reps, 2 sets Straight-leg Calf-raise w/20lb dumbbell: 15 reps per leg, 1 set Bent-leg Calf-raise w/1x20lb dumbbell: 15 reps per leg, 1 set Forward lunge w/2x20lb dumbbells: 12 lunges Backward lunge w/same weight: 6 lunges Sideways lunge w/same weight: 6 lunges Wide-stance squat w/same weight: 15 reps, 1 set Narrow-stance squat w/40lb barbell: 15 reps, 1 set Seated tricep press: 1x20lb dumbbell, 15 reps, 2 sets Seated dumbbell curl: 13lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 2 sets Front shoulder raise: 13lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 2 sets I had to back off the weight on the triceps and biceps due to my tennis elbow. I tried heavier weights and felt immediate pain, but the lighter weight let me do the exercises. I normally do 20lb or 30lb dumbbells. During weeks I play tennis, I usually do this routine between tennis days. During weeks I don't play tennis, I sometimes focus on one area of the body each day and increase the number of sets and different exercises I do for that body part. For example, if I'm focusing on chest and back, I'll do lateral flies and bent-over dumbbell rows in addition to at least double the number of sets of the above chest and back exercises. Once I've gone through a week of exercise, I also increase the weight. This all makes it sound like I'm some kind of exercise freak. I'm actually not. The amount of weight I do is pretty light, and sometimes I get down to my weight bench and have no enthusiasm for it and give up. If I'm doing nothing but weights for a week, I might do 3 or 4 days a week. Most weeks, though, I only do 1 or 2 days of weights, a couple days of tennis, and sometimes I throw in a day or 2 of jogging. The list of exercises seems intimidating, but when I started, I started slow, doing just a few exercises at first. As I got comfortable with the weights, I added exercises. I do everything with dumbbells and a barbell and a simple bench, so there's nothing complex about the exercises themselves. My workout music of choice is Linkin Park. I have their two main albums on repeat and their remix album in there, too. My backup music is Green Day. So there's a summary of my weight training. It's a pretty big part of my life. If I ever found myself unable to train with weights, I'd feel a bit lost and lazy. Through weight training I hope to maintain muscle mass and prevent future injury by keeping the muscles, bones, and support structures fit.

Self-Conscious

2006-10-24T11:05:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the double-post today. My muse was late waking up. I guess he needed a cup of coffee or something. Anyway, here's my thought for today. I used to love to dance, but I would only dance if I was drunk. Once I got started (dancing, that is), it was difficult to get me to stop. I've been known to hit people while resisting being pulled from the dance floor (again, I was drunk, not that being drunk is a good excuse for hitting people). I'm coming up on 2 years without drinking, so I'm also coming up on 2 years without dancing. There have been many times that I've felt like dancing, and we've even gone to a few dance clubs with the intention of dancing, but never got out on the dance floor. I long for the days (nights) of losing myself in a trance of mindless rhythm, the release of physical exertion, the deep vibrations of the bass permeating my body, my eyes closed as I embrace the music. I think the bottom line is that I'm very self-conscious about my dancing abilities, and unless I've got some external influence to loosen me up, I'm too uptight to start. That's probably the biggest lure of drinking: the release of inhibitions. I don't plan to start drinking again, but I want to start dancing again. Anyone wanna dance with me?

Slump Cycle

2006-10-24T08:24:00.000-04:00

I seem to be in a little slump again. Not much to say. We're in the middle of a "cold" snap (it was 55 out this morning), so our cat is very unhappy. Having no fur, she likes warm temperatures. I put her binky in the dryer to warm it up, so she's snuggled in that for now. This is her, outside when it was warm: Stay warm everyone! *hugs*

Work 2, Off 5?

2006-10-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

Chris and I went to visit my dad in Sarasota for the weekend. We played some tennis, dad cooked steaks on the grill, and we watched the first game of the World Series. My dad is a life-long Cardinals fan, but I was born in Detroit, so we're rooting for different teams this year. On our way back from Sarasota, we took a detour through downtown Venice. One of our favorite restaurants is the Crow's Nest overlooking the Venice inlet. We had the patio overlooking the marina to ourselves for most of the afternoon. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, and we were very relaxed by the time we left. So now we're chillin' at home watching game 2 of the World Series. I swear we should have to work only 2 days a week and get 5 days off. The weekends seem to go by too quickly.

Manatee Sighting

2006-10-19T21:54:00.000-04:00

We saw our first manatee in the canal today. We've heard many people talk about seeing manatees in the area, but never seen one ourselves. I was sitting on the back patio and heard it come to the surface and take a breath. It hung out in the canal for a couple hours. Manatees are very, very slow-moving creatures. It was both intriguing and sad to see it. Intriguing of course to see a creature in its natural habitat. Sad because the manatee is endangered and because it's a good bet that the manatee had propeller marks on its back. It never got close enough for us to get a good look, but every single other manatee we've seen has had marks on its back. We also felt a little guilty because we have an outboard motor on our boat. We've never hit a manatee, but the way it was moving, we might very well hit one, even as slow as we go (about 6 mph max). The manatee wouldn't be able to get out of our way, and it would be hard to see it in the water unless it was fully on the surface (see the pics below). From the pics you can't tell if it's a manatee or a mound of sludge, but trust me, it was a manatee.

Elbows and Skin

2006-10-19T10:56:00.000-04:00

I've been away from the tennis court for a week. Last week my elbow started hurting, and last Thursday when I played it started really hurting. So I took a week off from tennis, and I've been using my left hand for a lot of things (get your mind out of the gutter, or at least invite me into the gutter) to give my elbow a rest. I've got lessons tonight, so we'll see how things go. Here's a pic of my ailing elbow. It doesn't look sick, does it? In other news, I had two suspicious skin "spots" removed last week for biopsies. Awaiting the results. This is the first skin issues I've had, and I expect to have many more being a fair-skinned redhead. My grandparents also had skin issues. It seemed like whenever I saw them there was a bandage on their face or neck somewhere. That's all I got for now. One more day till Friday! *hugs*

More Details

2006-10-18T20:16:00.000-04:00

I'm finally getting back into a normal pattern of life. This past weekend was such a great time, Chris and I both felt totally disconnected from all the normal stresses of life. I'll probably blabber on about how much fun we had for a while. I apologize in advance. I've got 10 more details to add to my 100 details list. The first list had 20 items on it, so I'm up to 30. I'm probably putting too much thought into these, but that's what I do sometimes. Maybe that should be detail #31. Hope y'all are doing great! *Hugs* 21. I feel a need to apologize for my faults, sometimes ahead of time. 22. I love M*A*S*H, both the movie and TV show. 23. The solar panels we're getting on our house will generate 0.96 kilowatts. It's a start. 24. My favorite place on the planet is probably Key West. 25. My favorite position is the missionary position because I like to see, kiss, and touch the person I'm with. 26. I like porn. 27. I would like to learn sign language (American Sign Language (ASL) is the only one I know of). 28. I would like to learn a spoken language besides English. I speak just enough Spanish to order another beer and ask where the bathroom is. 29. I have traveled to Europe twice. The first time was a tour of London, Amsterdam, Cologne, and the Rhine region of Germany. The second time was to Spain, where we toured the south coast, drove up to Avila in central Spain, and ended in Barcelona. 30. I love to sail. I am captivated by the idea that a boat can move without an engine of any kind.

Heaven is Other People

2006-10-17T08:49:00.000-04:00

Sartre had it all wrong. Chris and I went to Gay Pride Orlando this past weekend, and it was pure heaven because of Spider, Sorted, Tony, MiKell and his partner, and several other new friends from the Orlando area. Boys, we can't thank you enough. You're awesome!

Important numbers

2006-10-13T13:11:00.000-04:00

Funny how we seem to like nice, round numbers. 10, 100, a dozen, a score (20). We always seem to want to round up or down. Some important numbers don't fit this concept, though. 7 is one example. There are many, many meanings to the number 7, as shown on its Wikipedia page. 13 is another one of those non-round numbers that holds much meaning (and also has a Wikipedia page). Some people even have fears about this one. It's called triskaidekaphobia. Say that 10 (13?) times fast while eating crackers and peanut butter. The reason I mention numbers is two-fold. First, today is Friday the 13th, probably the only day in history to spawn 10 movies and a TV series. Now that's important. Second, and more importantly, this is my 69th post. Ahh, what a wonderful number. It brings to mind the ability to both give and receive, which is so important in life. After all, how can you receive love if you don't give it? How can you expect charity from others if you don't give of yourself to others? In this light, I would like to thank my blogger friends for all that you have given me. For the glimpses into your lives, and for the advice, support, or just a brief comment to say 'hi.' All these things mean a lot to me and I want you to know that I appreciate your presence. Although I wrote this post with tongue firmly planted in cheek, my thanks and appreciation are sincere. I hope that I can give back what I have received. Hugs to everyone. Have a great weekend!

HHNT

2006-10-12T10:56:00.000-04:00

Inspired by comments from last night's post, here's a pic of me in a kilt. This is the first kilt I bought (I own 3, all from UtiliKilts). I've lost quite a bit of weight, so I had to cinch it up with a belt. Even then it's barely hanging onto my hips. And to answer the universal question: "Absolutely nothing." Hope everyone's having a great Thursday, and hope you're doing it half-nekkid. ;)

Halloween Meme

2006-10-11T21:47:00.000-04:00

Doug took my blogger-tag virginity and tagged me with this meme. I hope it was as good for him as it was for me. ;) 1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? The Shining. I saw this in college, and they played "The Postman Always Rings Twice" and "The Shining" in a Jack Nicholson double-feature. "The Shining" ended at midnight, and I walked home through uptown New Orleans. I was so scared, I walked in the middle of the street because I couldn't see into the shadows near the sidewalks. 2. What was your favorite Halloween Costume from childhood? When I was about 6, my mom made me a devil costume, all red fabric with a red hood with horns and a stuffed tail. 3. If you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this Halloween? A real Scottish kilt with all the accessories. 4. When was the last time you went Trick Or Treating? Hmmm....must be middle school? Early 80's. 5. What's your favorite Halloween Candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. 6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you had. I have a recurring nightmare that I get right before I get the flu or strep throat. It involves a giant ceiling fan, and I'm standing on the top of the main body of the fan, and the blades are spinning very fast, and there's a terrible wind. Then I wake up the next morning with a sore throat and body aches. I've had this dream about a half-dozen times in my life. 7. What is your Supernatural Fear? I'm not sure I have one. I have very little belief in the supernatural, so I'm able to rationalize away most of my fears. 8. What is your Creepy-Crawlie Fear? It's not so much a creey-crawlie, but a buzzing-flying: wasps, bees, hornets, and anything that looks like it might sting me. I'm never so ashamed as after a post-wasp freak-out. 9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost, or heard something go Bump in the night. I never have, but I would like to (see next question). 10. Would you ever stay in a real Haunted House overnight? Absolutely. I would love to meet a ghost and see what s/he is all about. 11. Are you a traditionalist (just a face) Jack O'Lantern Carver, or do you get really creative with your pumpkins? I'm not a very originally creative person, so I stick to the basics with my JoL's. 12. How much do you decorate your home for Halloween? Not at all. Although I love the history and legends behind Halloween, I hate the marketing and hype surrounding the holiday (and most other holidays, too). 13. What do you want on your Tombstone? "I'm here, I'm queer, I'm dead." Ok, maybe not.

Eyes on the weekend

2006-10-10T22:58:00.001-04:00

Although we had a great day Sunday, I've been feeling a little anti-social the past couple of days, so I haven't written much. We watched the movie "Hoot" yesterday. It was a very cute, very inspiring film. If you're into environmental protection, or just want to see a fun feel-good movie about kids and owls, "Hoot" is a pretty good bet. The DVD extras were great, too, almost better than the movie itself. Yesterday evening I went to the used bookstore and bought "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz has some interesting ideas about how to live a happy and free life. It is spiritual without being preachy, which I appreciated. One of my weak points is spirituality, so this wasn't too painful in that respect. It's a short book, and I finished it in a few hours. I have read reviews of this book that said it just rehashes other people's ideas, but most of it was new to me. I will be re-reading it in the near future. We're really looking forward to our trip to Orlando this weekend to meet Spider and some of the Orlando blogger gang. This will be our first time meeting blogger friends, so we're excited and a little nervous. Not sure what we're nervous about. It's not like they bite (well, maybe Spider does). I hope everyone's doing well. Hugs all around.

Eyes on the weekend

2006-10-10T22:58:00.000-04:00

Sailing

2006-10-09T12:16:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went sailing. It was perfect weather for it: a steady breeze, lots of sunshine, and not too hot. So, for a few hours, we heard nothing but the wind and the waves. It's nice to get away from it all, and Chris and I feel much better today. Thanks for all the hugs and well-wishes. Happy Columbus Day to those of you who have the day off. Happy Thanksgiving Day to everyone in Canuck-land.

Humanity is a Cancer

2006-10-08T10:51:00.000-04:00

Torn recently defined cancer as "your own cells turning against you." My comment was, "by that definition, humanity is a cancer." Well, here's one of our cancerous cells: One or more people at Ruckus Network Inc. created a fake profile on Facebook.com to dupe people into giving their email addresses so Ruckus could send unsolicited advertising. The rumor is that the profile was created by a "zealous young Ruckus employee, who still works at the company." I can just imagine the glee of upper management over the "initiative" taken by this young up-and-comer. I can hear the self-satisfied chuckles about how lucky this company feels to have such a wonderfully creative person working for them. The rest of the article describes other lengths to which people will go to make a buck. Ugh, I gotta get out of this funk I've been in for the past couple days. I'm oppressed by bad news, sad thoughts, and a feeling of dread.

Stresses and Successes

2006-10-06T10:16:00.000-04:00

Stresses and Successes Ok, stresses first to get them out of the way. Chris's job is to support a production computer environment. Yesterday, a problem came up on a system that he inherited from another group, and the only person who knows anything about the system has left the company. So he spent most of the day and night on the phone working with his team trying to figure out the problem. In addition, his company apparently didn't renew its support agreement with the software vendor, so they didn't have vendor support. The stupid part of this is that his office is not closed off from the main part of the house. And in order to be heard on the phone, he had to shout. So I was pretty much shouted out of the house last night. As if Chris didn't have enough stress, he got a call at 4:30 this morning about another problem. And when he got up for "regular" work today, he's right back on the phone still working on yesterday's problem. It sounds like management has fucked things up at his company. They've let support agreements lapse, they've understaffed internal support teams, and the applications and systems they're developing are slipshod and unstable. "Faster-Better-Cheaper" equates to "Crappier." To add to this morning's stress, ants have invaded our house. The exterminator was just here last week, so either he scared the ants out of their hiding place, or he didn't setup enough of a barrier to keep them out. I called them and they're sending someone out next week. Until then, we do our own spraying. *deep breath* *sigh* I feel better. Thanks for listening. On to the successes! We've made a few improvements to the house in the past month. First is the lattice on the front of the house. Before the lattice: After the lattice: Side note: my camera had a hell of a time taking a picture of the lattice. It kept coming out smeared. The size of the file is almost twice as large as other pictures, so it must have something to do with the pattern of the lattice and all the angles and vectors involved. Another project is to frame all the windows. I forgot to take a 'before' picture, but here's what one of the windows looks like now: I cut all the corners at a 45-degree angle, which turned out to be harder than I thought. I went through a couple extra boards trying to get it right. We're not sure if we need to replace the baseboard or if it's okay as it is. Any opinions? And lastly, Chris purchased and mounted a Weems and Plath ship's bell clock. It dings every hour and half-hour, and the number of dings tells you the time (or in my case, it reminds me to look at the clock so I know what time it is). The next part of the project is to mount a matching barometer.

HHNT

2006-10-05T11:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, this was inspired by Perisan Guy and his discussion of chest hair. I love guys be they hairy, smooth, or somewhere in between. I myself am smooth-chested. I have a little hair around my nipples, and one lone "chest hair" around my upper abs. So for Half-Nekkid Thursday, here's a pic of my lone chest hair. Enjoy!

Life House

2006-10-04T19:51:00.000-04:00

Every so often I feel a bit overwhelmed by events in my life and in the world. Who doesn't? Lately I've been trying to reduce my stress levels, stay more focused when I need to, and be generally more carefree. Something that might help me with all these things is what I call my "Life House." A method that orators use to remember a speech is to visualize themselves in a house, and for each part of their speech, visualize a different room. As they progress through their speech, they can imagine themselves walking through the rooms of the house. It is supposed to help them remember the speech and the order of the speech. In the same manner as an orator's house, I've come up with a list of separate rooms that I can use to compartmentalize aspects of my life. My hope is when I feel too many pressures, I can visualize one of my rooms and focus on what I need to focus on. Another hope is that conceptually I can leave stuff in their respective rooms and therefore not have to worry about everything all at once. So, here's my initial list of rooms. Politics and current events Gay rights Finances Social life Career Hobbies and diversions Family Home Health Meditation Anyone use a similar method? Side note: I just took the Nerd/Geek/Dork Test, and my scores came back "Average Joe." I wonder if the test wasn't off by a little bit. ;) Just kidding.

Gay Banditos

2006-10-04T00:41:00.000-04:00

And the Lord said, "Let there be YouTube," and there was much rejoicing in the land. yaaay. Not work safe.

Lab Lemmings

2006-10-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

The recent plague of personality tests on blogs has me thinking. According to the test, both Doug and I have a high degree of neurosis. Spider says his results are so whacked he won't even post them. Others are afraid to take the test. If I were take the test results seriously, I might be worried I'm not good enough or I'm not calm enough or I just don't measure up (to whatever standard). In fact, the biggest neurosis may be believing that the big red bar is right. Tim said it well: "Those things are fun to look at, but I wouldnt place too much weight on it." Another thought I had was that this test (and other blog "phenomena") may be test cases in a sociology student's doctoral thesis. We may all be lab rats in someone's maze, and because these blog phenomena are self-propagating, that makes us more lemmings than rats. I probably won't avoid future blog phenomena, but I will certainly take them with a grain of salt. And finally, it's funny that we need a test to determine who we are. When the test results come back describing some kind of horrific trait, we accept it as fact and discount all the positive aspects and interactions we have in our lives. It's amazing how easy it is to forget the ancient aphorism, "Know thyself." We let a silly test divert us from our own identity and let someone else tell us who we are. So, my message to all my blog friends is this: I've read your blogs for a few months now, and I can tell you that no matter what the test results say, you're okay. You're good people, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Am I crazy?

2006-10-02T15:10:00.000-04:00

This has been going around the blogosphere, so I figured I'd try it out. Like a horoscope, parts of it are accurate and parts are not. One cool thing is that this shows me some things about myself I want to change. For example: Accurate: * Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. * You often need privacy and time for yourself. Inaccurate: * Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. * You feel enraged when things do not go your way. Accurate things I want to change: * You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. * Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. * You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Anyway, according to the test, I'm an "agreeable neurotic." I'm not sure, but isn't that an oxymoron? My Personality


Neuroticism	76
Extraversion	3
Openness To Experience	21
Agreeableness	91
Conscientiousness	18

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Neuroticism Overall Score 76 Anxiety 55 Anger 82 Depression 46 Self-Consciousness 83 Immoderation 48 Vulnerability 92 You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense. You feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Extraversion Overall Score 3 Friendliness 37 Gregariousness 8 Assertiveness 1 Activity Level 10 Excitement-Seeking 17 Cheerfulness 27 You generally make friends easily enough although you mostly don't go out of your way to demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. Openness To Experience Overall Score 21 Imagination 1 Artistic Interests 40 Emotionality 65 Adventurousness 19 Intellect 1 Liberalism 87 You prefer facts over fantasy and are more interested in what is happening in the real word. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity. Agreeableness Overall Score 91 Trust 61 Morality 72 Altruism 80 Cooperation 93 Modesty 74 Sympathy 90 You mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank and sincere. People find it relatively easy to relate to you. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Conscientiousness Overall Score 18 Self-Efficacy 1 Orderliness 80 Dutifulness 28 Achievement-Striving 4 Self-Discipline 17 Cautiousness 56 Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You are not an overly cautious person. You will think about alternatives and consequences but make up your mind fairly quickly.

Saturday Sweetness

2006-09-30T20:37:00.000-04:00

Today started early on the tennis court. Chris played his first real match today, and he did great. Up until today, we'd only just hit the ball around. Chris teaches part-time at a local community college, and he had to spend some time preparing his classwork. So after tennis he worked on that and I went shopping. I love bookstores, and Chris is luke warm on them, so I hit a couple used bookstores and also hit Barnes & Noble. I spent like 2 hours browsing through the bargain book section. Found a nice book on massage. After I got back from shopping, we went out for Indian food. My brother introduced us to an awesome Indian restaurant a while back. It's called "Indian Palace," something nice and generic, but the food is awesome. And what's dinner without dessert? We just got back from Cold Stone Creamery. Great place. Chris had coffee ice cream with Nestle Crunch in a chocolate-covered dish-cone. I had chocolate ice cream with double-Heath crunch in a cup. We tipped them a buck, but they sang only for like 5 seconds. The last time we went to Cold Stone, they sang for 20 or 30 seconds for only a quarter tip. We felt cheated. Day-in-the-life of us. Dull but true.

Funny Frackin' Friday

2006-09-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

I don't know if anyone saw William Shatner's roast on Comedy Central. I heard it wasn't that good, but from the clips I've seen, it seems hilarious. So, here's George Takei's bit. This isn't work safe. Of course, yesterday's post wasn't either. Enjoy!

Half-Nekkid Thank-you

2006-09-28T13:44:00.000-04:00

Thanks everyone for the compliments today. I hope I didn't get anyone fired with the backal nudity. I'll have to figure out how to display just a text link on my blog and store the pic elsewhere. I'm not used to getting compliments like this. During middle school, high school, college, and several years afterward, I was rail-thin and very self-conscious. Then I gained weight until I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am now. I had never really been proud of my body. About two years ago I started taking better care of myself and I am happy with the results. There still are things I'm working to improve, of course, but overall I'm proud of what I've accomplished. So all the compliments are humbly appreciated. And by the way, I do enjoy sunbathing nude, but I can't jog nekkid, hence the tan-line. ;)

HHNT

2006-09-28T11:35:00.000-04:00

I've had a frustrating morning, but heck, it's Half-Nekkid Thursday, so frack 'em all! Haha! Grrrrrr..... Ok, I'm back. Chris snuck up on me and snapped a pic of me while I was brushing my teeth. I might be all nekkid in this pic, or I might not. That's for you to decide.

Need to laugh

2006-09-26T11:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, the past couple posts have been of a serious nature, and I'm working on others that are more serious, so I need to laugh. Tornwordo reminded me of one of Ellen's stand-up routines about procrastination, and I found these on YouTube. I love Ellen. Truly love her. She's a goddess.

Focus on the Positive

2006-09-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, the last post was depressing, so to stay focused on the positive, I went searching for info on all the gains the GLBT community has made. Most of it I already knew in bits and pieces, but here's a compilation of what I found. ************************************************************** Same-sex marriage is currently legal in: * Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, and Spain. * Massachusetts. ** Update: I had read that gay marriage was legal in South Africa, but apparently South Africa's Constitutional Court has ordered the parliament to change the current laws to recognize marriage as a "union between two persons." Parliament has until December 2, 2006 to make this change. Thanks to Leon for providing this update! Civil Unions, with variations in the extent of the rights granted, are legal in: * Croatia, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Great Britain, Hungary, Iceland, Luxembourg, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, and Switzerland. * The Brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul. * The Argentinian states of Rio Negro and Buenos Aires. * New Zealand, Western Australia and Tasmania. * Vermont and Connecticut. Domestic Partnerships are offered in: * California, Maine, New Jersey, and Washinton, D.C. Discussions are under way to legalize full gay marriage in France and Sweden, both of which already offer civil unions. In addition to the status of gay marriage, there are innumerable organizations that advocate for gay rights on an international, national, and state level. A partial list includes: International Gay Rights Organizations International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission International Lesbian and Gay Association US National Gay Rights Organizations Gay, Lesbian, & Straight Education Network (thanks Chris Tuttle!) Human Rights Coalition Lambda Legal Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays National Gay and Lesbian Task Force State organizations in virtually every US state. There are dozens of queer magazines, including the Advocate, Out, Instinct, Genre, and tons of local GLBT magazines and newspapers. The GLBT movement has so much support, there's no way anyone can continue repress us. ************************************************************** After this little research project, I have no doubt that progress toward full equality for GLBT folk will be much faster than any civil rights movement in history. But yesterday, in a restaurant in Southwest Florida, I let one ignorant bigot temporarily erase from my mind the memory of all the positive forces at work on this planet. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

And Generations to Go...

2006-09-25T17:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Chris and I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt depicting a boy holding a confederate flag and pissing on the NAACP. I could only shake my head in disbelief and wonder how long it will be before intolerance is no longer fashionable. 152 years after the end of the US Civil War, 110 years after the Supreme Court ruled that "separate but equal" was okay, and 52 years after the Supreme Court then decided that "separate but equal" was fundamentally flawed, open racism and bigotry are still considered "cool" in some circles. I wonder when we'll have the first openly queer Supreme Court justice. Thurgood Marshall was the first black Supreme Court justice in 1967, fully 102 years after slavery was officially abolished. If Stonewall can be used as a milestone analagous to the end of the US Civil War, then we're looking at circa 2071 before we have a gay Supreme Court justice. Assuming a generation is about 30 years, it seems we have many generations to go before intolerance is history and acceptance is the fashionable norm. We can hope that humanity as a species is getting smarter, and that the free flow of information will help speed things along. Side note: As I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that some people take offense at "equating" the fight for gay rights with the fight for black equality. Most of the offense I have heard is based on religious arguments and quotes from the Bible. These same people likely have forgotten that slavery itself was defended on religious grounds with quotes from the same Bible. The biggest difference I've seen between the fight for gay rights and the fight for black rights is that gay people can pretend to be straight and therefore blend in, while black people can't pretend to be white. Other than that, there are more similarities than differences.

Progress?

2006-09-24T20:17:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday I reduced my Effexor dosage to 37.5mg/day, which is 1/4 what my previous normal dosage was. I'd been on 75mg for about a month, and prior to that, I was on 112.5mg for about 2 months. Thursday was a great day, but I don't think it was because of the Effexor. The weather was finally nice enough to open the house up, so I had a kind of "fall fever." Other than Thursday, my moods have been hit-and-miss throughout each day. I haven't felt any noticable withdrawl symptoms like dizziness, nausea, or lack of concentration. I have felt a little less "stable" though, and I'm unstable enough as it is. I plan to stay on the 1/4 dose for another week to give it a chance. My ultimate goal by reducing the dosage is to determine my minimum effective dose. I resent being physically addicted to this drug, being dependent on this unnatural substance for my happiness. I want to use as little of it as possible. In other news, today we saw a guy wearing a T-shirt depicting a boy holding a confederate flag and pissing on the NAACP. It's no wonder gays don't have rights in this country. Too many people have yet to cross the racial divide. More on this later.

Funny Frackin' Friday

2006-09-22T11:32:00.000-04:00

Sincere thanks everyone for the compliments and comments yesterday. I wasn't consciously fishing for them, but I'm sure my all-powerful subconscious knew exactly what it was doing. Y'all make me feel good. I've discovered a drawback of working from home: when the neighbor hires a tree-trimmer to trim every fucking tree on their property, and the only tool the trimmer has is a very loud chainsaw. Which brings me to today's Funny Frackin' Friday: Q: How many tree trimmers does it take to trim my neighbor's trees? A: Only one, but it takes him two days (and counting). Also, in celebration of the upcoming Battlestar Galactica Season 3, I changed Funny Freakin' to Funny Frackin'. If you don't like it, frack off (it's so fracking awesome that they made up a swear word so they could swear on TV).

HHNT

2006-09-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

This is my first Half-Nekkid Thursday! I'm both excited and nervous. Oh well, here goes... In response to GayProf's recent need for an M&M feeder, I offered myself for the position. The dress code for the job appears to be gladiator attire, and while I don't have such an outfit in my wardrobe, I found this in my closet this morning: I have experience with plain, peanut, almond, mint, peanut butter, and Christmas versions of M&M's. I only hope my experience gets me the job.

Apathy

2006-09-20T10:17:00.000-04:00

I awoke today feeling something like: Intense lethargy: is that an oxymoron? Sluggishness: I don't leave a trail of slime or have antennae. Listlessness: I have tons of lists, too many lists, lists of lists. Apathy: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement. Yes! That's it! Ahhhh, now that I know what I'm feeling, I can hopefully get on with my day. After I make breakfast. And maybe a little nap. And lunch. Afternoon tea anyone?

Details

2006-09-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

The tennis club we joined a couple months ago just doubled their lesson rates. We used to be able to afford to take lessons every week, but now we'll have to cut that to twice a month, maybe less. We're thinking of not doing any lessons in protest of the obvious greed they're demonstrating. I'm pissed about it and had a nice rant to post, but I thought better of it. I'd rather save space in my jar for real golf balls. This is just a grain of sand. So, instead of a rant, I'm going to post the first 20 items on my evolving list of "100 details." I have enjoyed many other people's lists, and hope you will enjoy mine. I don't have all 100 yet, so I'm going to post them in groups of 10 as I can. So, without further ado...

I have long red hair.
I hated my hair when I was growing up. Now I love it.
A girl in middle school once told me I was the ugliest person she knew.
I do not believe in any kind of supreme being.
I prefer things to be as simple as possible. They usually aren't.
I am into nutritional supplements, maybe too much.
I believe in organic food.
I believe the idea of America is good. It's the execution that's failed.
I react poorly to authority. Especially stupid authority.
I no longer drink alcohol. I used to drink too much.
I love beer. Now I drink non-alcoholic beer.
I believe marijuana is not nearly as harmful as cigarettes or alcohol. It may actually have some benefits. I'm just too chicken-shit to use it.
I buy hemp clothing because I think hemp is good for the planet.
I drive a diesel VW Golf. I get 40 mpg (17 km/l).
I twitch when I sleep.
I don't have any major allergies that I know of.
When I was 14 years old, I was hit by a car and had brain surgery to fix a subdural hematoma.
I went to Tulane University in New Orleans.
I got a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science in the standard 4 years.
I nearly drank myself out of both my freshman and sophomore years of college.

Weekend Retrospective

2006-09-18T14:38:00.000-04:00

We had a great weekend. Friends from Punta Gorda came down on Saturday for lunch, and we ate at a local restaurant overlooking the water. On Sunday, Peter and Jake from central Florida came down and we gave them a tour of the area. We had dinner at our favorite local Mexican place. It was a great getting-together-with-friends weekend. We started work on the lattice on the front of our house. It's looking good so far, and I think it will be exactly what we wanted. I also started writing a self-talk script for myself. Self-talk isn't new to me, but I haven't put forth the effort to actually write a script. If anyone has some self-talk that works for them, or is interested in self-talk, let me know. I'd be interested in hearing some other opinions. Back to work again today, and not feeling so down as I have before. I think interaction with people gives me a little more optimism, and I'm feeling it today.

Funny Freakin' Friday

2006-09-15T09:48:00.000-04:00

Don't know if another blogger has already started this tradition. If not, I'll have to come up with a logo or something like HNT has. In any case, here's something to guffaw about on this last day of the work week. Enjoy! I couldn't find any copyrights to these images, but if they are copyrighted, all copyrights are property of their respective owners. If these images are in violation of any copyrights, please let me know and I will remove them from this site.

Blog Persona

2006-09-14T15:56:00.000-04:00

One of my idols growing up was Hawkeye Pierce on the TV show M*A*S*H. Like him, I make a lot of jokes, most of which probably aren't "good" jokes. For some reason, though, my sense of humor and innate goofiness don't come through on my blog. My blog is formal, when in real life I'm not formal at all. I don't dress nicely, my house isn't a formal place, and I have a lot of strange ideas that get blurted out before I have a chance to muzzle them. Not only am I more formal on my blog than in real life, but my "real self" seems to be a lot less spontaneous than it used to be. I have become much more cautious and conventional as I've gotten older. I think part of it might be that I stopped drinking. I was able to let it all hang out (sometimes literally) when I got drunk. I don't have alcohol anymore to use as a key to open me up. I've thought about finding other things to replace alcohol, but to be blatantly honest, I would absolutely love to be able to be free to do whatever I want (within limits) without any external influence. I want to be free and social and joking and energetic all on my own. These thoughts leave me wondering where to start. How do I go about resurrecting an old me? And how do I start showing more of my real self in my blog? Even this post leaves me thinking, "Bleh, so serious!"

Slapdashery

2006-09-13T16:10:00.000-04:00

I was recently honored by an invitation to join the group blog Gay Men Rule. I posted my first post today, so if you feel so inclined, check it out at your leisure. I'm not quite sure what to post there vs. what to post here, but at the rate I've been going, I'll have plenty of things to write in both for a while. Blogging has certainly changed my life. I'm pretty sure I don't have a blogging problem yet. I haven't missed any work because of blogging, my relationship is still strong, and I haven't had any blackouts. I do have some other symptoms mentioned here and here, but I'm not quite ready to check myself into Betty Ford. My boyfriend Chris was complaining this morning that his coffee tasted like soap (the coffee pot got cleaned yesterday). I told him I would make him another pot, and he said, "No, I'd rather complain. It's quite fun." Before I started psychotherapy, I always wondered about "the secret to a happy life." After about 2 years of individual and group therapy and a lot of soul searching, I've come to the conclusion that "the secret" is a bunch of little things improved a little bit at a time over a long period of time. There is no magic bullet, and the switch from unhappy to happy isn't immediate. Also, the journey to "happy" never ends. This all seems obvious, but it wasn't to me. Learning can be a painful process.

Back in the saddle

2006-09-12T11:41:00.000-04:00

Chris and I just returned from a little mini-vacation in Daytona. It was heart-warming. It was reassuring. It was so much fun! When we left for Daytona, I'd expected to have some kind of connectivity to the internet when I arrived. There was nothing. I was cut off. Incommunicado. Hence the lack of blog entries and comments for the past 4 days. I apologize to those who felt neglected. For those who didn't notice I was gone...nevermind. ;) This is my first vacation since I started blogging, and now I realize the backlog that can build up. My newsgator showed 33 unread posts, and I don't even have all my regular blogs on newsgator yet. So, about the vacation. We don't have many gay friends in our area. The avenues for meeting new people here are few and far between, and most of the people interested in meeting are just looking for sex. About a year ago, we met another gay couple, Jake and Peter. They were vacationing nearby and wanted to get together. After a few chats and emails, we invited them over for dinner and had a wonderful evening with them. We got to know them, they got to know us, and we seemed to click right away. In the past year, we haven't seen Jake and Peter, and Chris and I kept discussing a trip to see them. Discussion finally transformed to determination, and we planned a few days off, coordinated a weekend that was good for them, and booked a room in Daytona. What we did: walked on the beach, saw the space shuttle launch, went to Epcot, rented a pontoon boat on the St. Johns river, and reconnected with good friends. Beyond the facts of the events, I'm having trouble finding the words to describe our weekend. Peter and Jake are caring, generous, fun, down to earth, laid back, the list goes on. We had such a great time with them. It's reassuring to know people like them exist. We're honored to know them and to be their friends. So now I'm kinda bummed. We're back into the old routine, back to work tomorrow, away from our friends, feeling piteous (or is that pitiful?).

I'm a Jeffersonian

2006-09-07T17:06:00.000-04:00

A lady in Georgia was quoted recently in a CNN article as saying, "...George Bush was placed where he is by the Lord..." I'm guessing she wouldn't have voted for Thomas Jefferson, the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, the third president of the USA (2 terms), and the author of the Virginia Statue for Religious Freedom. Though, being our president for 8 years, I'm assuming he also was placed in office by the Lord. "I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature.....Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make half the world fools and half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the world." - Thomas Jefferson, in his Notes on Virginia.

Spouting off

2006-09-07T08:16:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning thinking about an article that referred to a Utah legislator's speech. It really pisses me off when: * Someone starts spouting off about how gay marriage (or anything gay-related) will destroy the "moral pillars of society." * No one stands up and calls them on their shit. The "moral pillars of society" is such a vague turn of phrase. The people who spout it usually are referring to Bibical morals, as though those apply to every individual in the world (including wiccans, buddhists, taoists, and every other non-Christian). Here's what I think defines the moral pillars of our society: * Mutual tolerance * Respect for individual rights * Freedom from oppression * Equality in every way possible These are just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are others that are based on decency and respect and not intolerance and religious bigotry. It seems so easy for a legislator to stand up and say this, but for some reason it never happens. I don't think I've ever heard a politician in this country sincerely say this. I hear dubya say it all the time, but he's so obviously a total hypocrite that I just want to puke when he talks.

Recent Fears

2006-09-06T22:46:00.000-04:00

Recently I've read a few blog entries and comments that I have disagreed with. With one exception, I haven't posted my opinion. I can think of several reasons for this. First, I believe that most people's opinions usually can't be changed. I count myself as an exception to that rule on some topics, but I'm fairly skeptical about the general public's openness to new ideas. Second, I almost felt it didn't matter if I expressed my opinion. Sure, the bloggers put their opinions out for public viewing, but in a fit of inferiority or insignificance, I held my peace. Additionally, and related to my first point, I didn't want to open myself up to criticism. Some of the topics (like gay rights and religious opinion) don't lend themselves to logical discussion. Part of this is a mood thing for me. When I feel "hermitous," I am less inclined to put forth my opinion. I don't want to talk to people, and I don't want to comment. A bigger part of it is being unsure of myself and not wanting to "rock the boat." I've run into trouble before because I didn't open my mouth when I should have. I think a part of maturity is knowing when it is appropriate to be vocal and when I'm better off shutting up. It's not one of my strong points. The blogosphere is a strange place with unusual protocols. It's like a huge social mixer, where people wander around, listen to random conversations, and add their comments whenever they feel like it. I guess I'm not always comfortable putting in my $0.02 unless I'm fairly sure I'll get a friendly response. I want self-confidence to be a knee-jerk instinct for me, and I know it currently isn't. This is something I have been working on for a while, and I guess I still have a ways to go.

Lesson for the day

2006-09-05T11:23:00.000-04:00

Recently I had a private tennis lesson, and here's what I learned: I have a limp wrist. Imagine that, a gay man with a limp wrist. Seriously, though, I bend my wrist when I bring my racquet back for both forehand and backhand. Then I flick my wrist the other way when I hit the ball. This leads to inconsistency in my shots. When I firmed up my wrist, my shots got much better. I also let my wrist "collapse" when I volley, which wreaks havoc on my volleys. So, lesson for today: keep a firm wrist. I'm gonna go do some wrist exercises. Hope everyone's holiday weekend was happy.

Not sure what to make of this

2006-09-04T13:41:00.000-04:00

Hot Topic is mostly a goth, extreme-sports, alternative teen accessory store, carrying t-shirts with off-color mottos, body piercing jewelry, and other bizarre merchandise (am I getting old?). I've bought some stuff from them in the past, and I usually like the music and atmosphere in the store. We were in the Edison Mall in Fort Myers last weekend and noticed the front window of our local Hot Topic. There was a whole display of infant clothes that said stuff like, "I love my daddies," and "I love my mommies." There were wristbands, stickers, and numerous other things with rainbows on them, including this: Now I love a good joke, and I even love some bad jokes. I'm not sure if this joke is good or not. When I bought this, the clerk (a 16-something kid dressed in goth-fashion with multi-colored hair) didn't bat an eye. He rang it up, gave me my change, and wished me a good afternoon. I wear a hemp necklace with beads in the 6-color gay rainbow, and he glanced at it, so I'm pretty sure he knew what was up. He didn't look like he was interested in getting "recruited," but he didn't look like he took offense at either my presence or the sticker I purchased. Several ideas are circulating in my brain about the display in the store window and the sticker in particular. Fort Myers is still a small town despite recent massive growth. Having a store that shows a large gay display in their front window is very progressive and not something I would expect to see outside San Francisco, Wilton Manors, Vancouver, or P-town. It's either progressive or the people here are too ignorant to understand what it means. Or both. My initial reaction to the "Recruiter" sticker was that it is a joke. It seems like a tongue-in-cheek barb aimed at the religious right, saying, "You think all we do is wander around recruiting people to play for 'our team.' Well, we do, and I'm an official representative." My second reaction was to be offended that someone would conceive of such a sticker. I mean, does anyone sell stickers saying, "Closed-minded Bigot?" Or how about "Chauvanist Pig?" Or "Money-Grubbing Jew?" I have seen t-shirts that say, "Jewish American Princess," so maybe this sticker isn't too far off. Still, this sticker is similar to all the "humor" on TV and in the movies that is made at the expense of the LGBT community. I think most of it is funny, but I find myself wondering why it's funny. A perfect example is Lance Armstrong's opening monologue at the ESPY Awards this year. About halfway through he jokes with his friend Jake Gyllenhaal about liking it in the rear and keeping his eyes off Matthew McConaughey. Now why is that funny? Lance doesn't joke with Alonzo Mourning about being a 'nigga' or a 'brotha,' so why does he joke with Jake about possibly liking anal sex with guys? This whole post approaches the boundaries of political correctness, which I think I despise. I'm just not sure whether I should write a letter to "Hot Topic" asking them to discontinue the sticker or thanking them for carrying it and displaying it in the front window of their store.

Fashion?

2006-09-03T11:37:00.000-04:00

I admit that I am fashion illiterate. I'm a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of guy, mostly because I know any t-shirt goes with any jeans and any shoes. I almost never dress up, even business casual, so I am desperately out of practice. Based on my wardrobe, I would never be pegged as gay. On occasion I get inspired to think about redoing my wardrobe. I go to the mall and see all the coordinated outfits on the mannequins and imagine myself walking down the street looking oh-so-fashionable. Then the feeling passes and I get an ice cream cone and go home in the same shabby clothes I arrived in. We subscribe to Details and Genre (got them free for subscribing to something else, I think). I flip through them and read the fashion articles (e.g., "Wear a diagonal-striped tie with a vertical-striped shirt to add dimension to your wardrobe.") These things make sense, but then I think, "Where will I ever wear a tie?" The last two times I've worn a tie were to two funerals over the past 5 years. So yesterday we went to the local Calvin Klein outlet, and they were having a 70%-off sale. We had mild breakdowns and bought "a few" things. Everything I bought goes with jeans, though, so I'm still in my comfort zone.

Dull void

2006-09-01T21:55:00.000-04:00

Sloth: habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness. Slug: a person who is lazy or slow-moving; sluggard. I'm feeling a tad lazy this evening. We went out to dinner, but other than that, I'm planted in my recliner in front of the TV, cat on my stomach, laptop on my lap. I am multitasking, even at the peak of my inactivity. I'm watching the US Open on Tivo (Raphael Nadal vs. Luis Horna...two very hot guys), blogging, petting the cat (Sunny), and playing Eve Online.

Sailors take warning

2006-08-29T15:38:00.000-04:00

"Red sky at night, sailors' delight. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning." So goes the saying. Here are pics of the sunrise this morning.

Catharsis

2006-08-29T12:15:00.000-04:00

Thanks everyone for the happy thoughts. I feel better today. Blogging must be cathartic. After writing down all my perceived problems, none of them seem so overwhelming. It does look like Ernesto will be a pretty wimpy hurricane, if it even reaches that status.

Pendulum status

2006-08-28T22:51:00.000-04:00

I have lots to say but not much energy to say it. I've tried to avoid posting a woe-is-me story on my blog, but life is full of ups and downs, and things have been down, so here goes. The past two days have been some of the worst I've had in a while. Part of it is Hurricane Ernesto, part of it is my job, part of it is my mom, and the rest of it is me. Ok, maybe all of it is me and the rest is just details, but the devil's in the details, y'know? Start with the job. Yeah, I work from home and things are all hunky-dory as far as that goes, but recently my network connection has been dog-slow. I'm up against a deadline to get a project delivered, and I'm trying to focus on getting the work done, and Chris keeps interrupting me wanting my opinion on what to do to prepare for Ernesto, and my mom called asking when I'd be down to help her prepare for Ernesto, and it was just a pressure-cooker of a morning. I just realized that I have a bright light I can focus on at the end of this tunnel. The hurricane will push out my deadline. Our office is closed for at least Tuesday, and probably Wednesday, so I have more time to work (assuming I can connect). Yay! (See Larry, it helps me to talk things out, too.) Moving on to my mom. She is a complicated person. She and I haven't gotten along very well of late. To be honest, I have avoided her for about two months. Every time I've seen her this year she has been unhappy about something. I try to focus on the bright side of things, and she just won't have it. The last straw was when she twisted my bright-side-focusing to mean that I judged her. So, according to her, I'm not allowed to have an opinion about things, I should just say, "Awwww, that's so awful! I'm soooo sorry!" And I should twist everything into a huge catastrophe when most of the time things are just minor issues. She's great at playing the victim, and I'm not playing that game anymore. Sadly, there is no bright light at the end of her tunnel. The kicker is that she lives 5 houses away from me. Vancouver never looked so enticing (and it's a beautiful town anyway.....3,404 miles away). Ok, that covers the job, and mom, and Ernesto is just sitting there hovering over everything. On to me. This is what my ex-therapist would call a downward spiral. I get frustrated about something, but then I get angry at myself for being frustrated, and it just snowballs from there. As I mentioned, starting yesterday I've had the hurricane butterflies. Beyond that, we were at Lowe's buying extra gas cans, and I seemed to have an anxiety attack. I realized it while it was happening, and I told myself that no good would come of the anxiety, but that didn't help. I tried to shrug it off, but it stuck with me. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon yesterday strapping down the boat, putting away loose articles under the house, etc. I finally just gave up and told Chris I was done, and he accepted it. He's used to my moods and can maneuver around them pretty well. So I cleaned up and we went out to dinner, and I relaxed a little, but I still didn't feel right, and haven't felt right today either. I wish I could deal with these situations with a little equanimity. I get so agitated and all the little things start to bother me, and it all contributes to the downward spiral. Hehe, one of these days I'll post about my experience in group therapy, and I'll reference this post, because after typing all this out, I feel a little better. I feel optimistic that the spiral has changed direction. Anyway, that's the status of my pendulum. Thanks for listening. I will be working Tuesday and Wednesday, assuming we have a network connection, but I'll try to take some time and ~~play Eve~~ post another blog entry.

Reward for a hard day's work

2006-08-27T20:59:00.000-04:00

And so it begins

2006-08-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Ernesto is headed right for us. On his current path, Ernesto will be in our back yard on Wednesday morning. If you look here, our house is right under the 'A' in '8AM Wed.' If you look closely, you can see me waving at you. (Update: Actually, they keep updating the map, so we're no longer under the 'A' in '8AM Wed.' I'm still waving at you, though.) This period of time, the days before a hurricane is forecast to strike, is characterized for me by a telltale butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. No matter what else is happening in our lives, there's always the faint background buzz of those butterflies. Projects at work are due, we're trying to finish home improvement tasks, my mom is being a pain in the ass (as usual). Those butterflies keep buzzing. I think after last year's hurricanes, we're more likely to evacuate. We'll head to the east coast of Florida. Regardless of where we end up, though, we've got our hurricane survival kit:

Food
Water
Batteries
Lube
Backup power for the laptop and internet connection

I picked the wrong decade to quit drinking. I'm being flippant, but honestly I'm nervous. We've worked so hard to get where we are and to have the things we have. It all can be so quickly erased by a hurricane whose intensity is doubled because of global warming (or the natural cycles of the Earth, you choose), the recovery from which is ridden with the obstacles of an inept and uncaring government. It's not very Jedi of me, being so attached to my worldly possessions. I fear losing what I have. As Yoda said, "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." For today, the activities will include:

Strapping down the boat.
Bringing in all the loose things around the house, except the plants. We'll bring them in later.
Gathering our supplies.
Filling our gas tank and gas cans.
Planning our evacuation.

I'll keep y'all posted on any new developments.

Wilma Footage

2006-08-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

We moved into our house in May, 2005. In October, 2005, Hurricane Wilma came through and reminded us to stay vigilant. Though our house wasn't damaged by Wilma, our boat was. My boyfriend, Chris, has posted webcam footage from Hurricane Wilma on his blog. Feel free to pop by and check it out. This is our first attempt at posting video on either of our blogs, so let us know if things work properly.

Things are looking up

2006-08-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

After a long week, I'm definitely looking forward to the weekend. Maybe a little tennis, some home improvements (lattice), and being lazy and naked. I like being naked. And lazy. I found a blurb in Details magazine (amidst all the ads) about the US ranking on the New Economics Foundation's (nef) Happy Planet Index. We're 150th. The #1 spot is held by Vanuatu, an island in the South Pacific. This inspired me to go to the nef's website. It's a cool website with a cool aspiration. Check it out. Their ideas helped put me in a good mood today, because it proves there are some people in this world that care.

The abuse of trust

2006-08-22T11:18:00.000-04:00

The Department of Defense is paying a law school to figure out a way to undermine the Freedom of Information Act. So we, as taxpayers, are paying someone else to figure out how to keep us ignorant of the truth. As if it isn't already impossible to determine what really happens in our government. And I wonder why I believe our government doesn't give a damn about us.