Elections are a waste

Political signs are ubiquitous these days. Every person running for office has a sign. But what do these signs tell us about the candidates? Anything? From what I can tell, the only purpose of the signs is to make sure every man, woman, and child knows the name of the person running. I was driving down the street yesterday and saw a cluster of political signs. There were five or six signs for Charlie Crist. Now, let's assume I wasn't going to vote for Mr. Crist before I saw these signs. As the first sign came into view, I'm sure my reaction would be, "Hah. I'll never vote for that guy." Then, my eyes fell upon the second sign. My reaction: "Hah. He's an idiot." Third sign: "Hmm...I wonder if he might be ok." Fourth sign: "He's not that bad a fellow." Fifth sign: "His wife is hot. Oh, wait, that was his boyfriend." Sixth sign: "I'm gonna vote for Charlie Crist, goddamnit!" My reasoning was thrown into a tailspin, however, as I turned the corner and saw a row of Jim Davis signs. Oh, no! Let's tune in and see what happens... First sign: "Hah! I'm voting for Charlie Crist." Second sign: "Yeah, right. I'm not voting for some spineless Democrat." Third sign: "Well, the Democrats do have a better record on gay marriage." Fourth sign: "Ya' know, he did vote against the gay adoption ban." Fifth sign: "I bet he's a great kisser." Sixth sign: "I'm a Jim Davis supporter, through and through!" Well, by the time I got home, my circuits were so screwed up I just sat in a reclining chair, stared brainlessly at the wall and chugged rum until I passed out. It was good rum, too. I wonder, are all these signs recycled? Are they made out of recycled materials in the first place? Now, I'm all for being reasonable when it comes to the environment. I don't think we should all live in straw huts and use enviro-composting toilets. But given the number of signs I've seen, and given the real effectiveness of those signs, it seems a pretty large forest was sacrificed in the name of nothing. So, let's assume a law is passed banning political signs. The other major outlet for political advertising is television. I was at my dad's house a few weeks ago watching the first game of the World Series. Now, I have Tivo and I religiously skip commercials (one of the few religious things I do). My dad, however, didn't have Tivo. The result: over the course of the game, I saw the exact same ads, sometimes back-to-back, for the same candidates, about 20 times for each candidate. Let's imagine what my thought processes might have been: First ad from Charlie Crist: message: Jim Davis doesn't go to the office. My response: "Hmm, Jim Davis is a slacker, I'm voting for Crist." First ad from Jim Davis: message: Charlie Crist has no plan for tax relief. My response: "Hmm, I hate taxes. I want a governor who will give me the most money. I'm voting for Davis." Repeat first ad from Charlie Crist. Repeat first ad from Jim Davis. Throw in a few ads for candidates for Chief Financial Officer. Repeat a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Charlie Crist a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Jim Davis a few dozen times. Who the fuck won the game? Who knows. I think Charlie Crist was on first, and Jim Davis was on second, and the pitcher and catcher were in the dugout fucking each other's brains out. And I'm voting for the David Eckstein for president cuz he's cute. Again, I ended up at home in a reclining chair, staring into space, chugging rum. This time it was the cheap shit. My idea for elections: 1. No signs. No television ads. No radio ads. Save the tax payers a shitload of money and spend it on feeding homeless children. Take corporate contributions out of the loop because there's nothing to spend money on. 2. Schedule multiple debates between all the candidates over the course of the election. And I mean ALL THE CANDIDATES. No more of this excluding the independent candidates shit. 3. Each candidate is allowed to publish a summary of their stance on the issues in the newspaper along with their voting history. A separate section of the paper will be dedicated to this, and it will be provided free of charge at all newspaper outlets. Here's where the candidates can spend their millions of dollars in campaign money. 4. Election day is a national holiday and a retail-closed holiday. Anyone who is forced to work (e.g., gas-station attendants, hospital and police, etc.) will be given a special opportunity to vote, maybe the day before, similar to early voting. Hopefully doing elections this way would eliminate the waste and pollution, both in the environment and in our daily lives. I have a tendency to be naive and unsophisticated, so I'm sure there are all sorts of holes in these ideas. Feel free to comment and let me know.