Self-help?
MiKell's comment to my post on Thursday started me thinking.
I swear my brain needs an off switch.
That wasn't what I was thinking.
I was thinking how some people are truly self-starters, people who see what they want and just do it. My boyfriend is like that in some respects. He's never read a self-help book in his life, yet he's a successful manager of 13 people, is a dedicated and disciplined worker, and gets the job done. He doesn't need 12 steps or 10 days or 7 habits to do what he wants. He just does it.
Why do I need help? What is it, what characteristic, trait, or intrinsic feature lets him do what he truly wants to do, while I drag my feet, fret over what I'm not or what could be or what could have been?
Somehow I believe that what I need to succeed isn't inside me, but it's somewhere else, in a book, or a pill (another post about pills), or a jump-start or kick-in-the-pants or push-out-the-door. Other people pull themselves up by their bootstraps, while my shoe laces are tied to the chair leg.
Someone, please tie me up and beat the crap out of me until I believe in myself. I can't seem to do it by myself.
posted by Doug at 1/13/2007 09:10:00 AM
18 Comments:
There's a lot of good in you to support your belief in yourself, a good foundation to go forward.
As for tying you up and beating you, well, ... **eg**
wow... I feel the same way... we should start a blog about it... um somtime... well, why don't you set it up.. no hurry, you know.
I've always wondered why motivated ppl are motivated. It must be in the genes.
I'll tie you up and slap you some, if that is your idea of a good time.
Seriously, your symptoms can be coming from a lot of sources - consider seeing someone for a diagnosis clarification.
Personally, I'm an atheist with a God complex, that's why I don't beleive in myself!
Maybe you just haven't discovered what really excites you yet.
The opinion expressed was my own, and was not meant to be a pointed statement. People should do whatever, whenever, makes them feel better, and not worry about how it looks to others.
That being said, if another person brings up "The One Minute Manager" or "The Question Behind the Question" one more time, I might choke them.
I think it is OK to use a book (or read it) to give you some ideas on how to get started. Sometimes I find I am not sure how to begin to do something, or to make a change and I need a little motivation. A book can be wonderful motivation. We are all different people with different skills and some of us are self starters and good managers, and other of us require some prodding, but we have other things we can bring to the table. You seem to spend time in your head, I do too, and that is hard sometimes. I don't think you need someone to beat the crap out of you!
Everyone is different, and reading a book meant for whatever ailment you read on the cover wont make you a better person. Now therapy perhaps. We could all use a good person to talk to. It doesn't mean you are crazy. I shy away from the instant gratification of pill unless the person honestly can not function without them. I know people that are better on medication but some just don't need that, they need guidance. SO many kids are put on pills these days, and I wonder why. Some need it yes, but some just need guidance, attention, and maybe a better understanding. Same with adults. Did I make sense or did I just ramble? LOL
I added you to my Blogroll finally, thanks for coming buy and checking me out so often! ;)
Doug...
Think about it; do you want to be in charge of 13 other people?
You are motivated, but by other things than what we narrowly define as a "motivated" person.
I think it's all about choice. We make choices all day long; Do I watch tv, or do I wash the dishes? We know the dishes will eventually get done (hopefully), so if we wait until the next commercial, or the end of the show or even the next morning, does that define us as "unmotivated?"
If there's something you want to be doing, and you aren't, something is holding you back. and "unmotivation" isn't it.
That's my two cents, anyway.
Very much enjoyed my stay here...nice read.
I'm with Jimmi....everyone is different and on a different journey. Some people just need the pump to be primed and off they go. Other's need a kick in the ass every single day of their lives. It's all good. But getting down on yourself won't serve you well at all. Stay positive, man. Be strong and happy. Cheers!
Doug - we are all wired differently and approach life from various directions. You are obviously a very successful professional or you would not be where you are today. You have so many skills that I, and many of us don't have and talents that I would love to be able to incorporate into my life.
So you jump start a little differently from Chris, and you approach work from another angle then other people. You my friend, are a very special man with very special talents and in your own very quiet way accomplish things that many of us will never accomplish in our lifetimes. Comparison of yourself to others, especially when it comes to how you do things and approach life, I have found to be detrimental and not fulfilling.
I, for one, would love to be more like you in so many ways... be proud and happy with yourself - you have much to be proud and happy of.
Now as for tying you up and beating you, THAT is a special treat that you have to earn...
Smack! Does that help? lol. C'mon now, breathe in, breathe out. Think of nothing else.
As egocentric as this sounds, sometimes it's better not to compare yourself to others. it's your life. It's all about you. People join you, and travel with you, but the your world is your own. Maybe the problem is with the rest of us :)
i prefer duct tape, is that ok with you?
I'l bet you succeed at the things you have passion for.
I think believing in your self is one of the hardest things to do .....but you can do it start wiht litle things about you and go from there .....it get easier with time and practice
Some of what we need to "succeed" IS inside each of us. But alot of times theres stuff we just need answers for. Lots of answers. The problem with at least some self-help books is they don't always address YOUR needs. Their generic. If you're lucky, they might have a chapter that's just the ticket for you, but other times, no.
I think what's more useful is asking assistance from those that seem to be good at getting things done (meaning guidance in approach, not doing the work for you). I personally tend to avoid asking people who just have a knack for motivation and organization but can't express what they do. That's no help to you.
Plus, by having this conversation you will get what a book can't give you - an understanding of how you work and what your stumbling blocks are.
Having said that, a book could be useful if it at least gives you a basic framework to start with. Then it's up to you (along with asking lots of questions) to help make it work.
(Take this for what it's worth from someone who at times "succeeds" and other times doesn't)
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