Half-Nekkid Solar

Things are moving forward with our solar install very quickly now, so we spent this past weekend installing the charge controller and batteries for the entire system. Step 1: clear out space for the unit. Step 2: build a platform sturdy enough to hold the unit. It has to be 4 feet off the floor due to flood elevation restrictions. The unit weighs about 1300lbs (590kg) with the batteries, 400lbs (180kg) empty. Although Chris doesn't weigh nearly that much, he tested out the platform's stability. Step 4: install and reassemble everything. Our biggest challenge was getting the unit up onto the platform. We called Rent-a-Jedi, but there was no one available at the time, so we just leaned the unit on the platform, slid it up, turned it around, and then tilted it into standing position. It was a bit difficult getting the batteries up that high, but we managed. Now to the half-nekkid part. Step 3 of this process entailed a little playing around. We assembled this thing under the house, which is open on all sides and clearly visible from the street. It was a little risky taking this pic, but it was for a good cause, so worth the risk. This pic was one of the less explicit ones. If you want the explicit ones, you gotta give me something in return. ;) And in case you're interested, here's what the inside looks like:

Pessimism

Paraphrased from page 200 of "Full Catastrophe Living," by Jon Kabat-Zinn: A pessimist is someone who: * Blames oneself for the bad things that happen. * Thinks the effects of whatever happened will last a long time. * Thinks the bad event will affect every (or many) aspect(s) of one's life. In other words, "It's my fault, it's going to last forever, nothing will be the same." I don't usually blame myself when bad things happen. I'm pretty good about accepting my own humanity and realizing where the problem lies. The second and third bullets, however, hit the bulls-eye. I have many examples, the most recent being my tennis elbow. I was convinced that this would be a permanent injury and that I wouldn't be able to play tennis or work out, and my computer skills would suffer because it hurt to use the mouse. Right now, my tennis elbow is almost completely gone and I've been working out and playing tennis as usual. Evidence that it wouldn't last forever or affect everything I do. It amazes me that after all the self-help books I've read and all the therapy I've been through, the idea of pessimism never came up. This idea has aspects of cognitive therapy and self-talk to it, but as a unit, pessimism seems very powerful. I can see so clearly how my pessimistic pattern of thinking has contributed to my own misery. This seems so simple and obvious, I'm still shocked I missed it. So, I have a short-term goal to identify and alter my pessimistic thought patterns. I would like to thank Peter at Too Busy Living for recommending this book in one of his posts.

There's not much better than...

Shopping for the ingredients to green bean casserole and finding everything at the front of the store. I guess lots of people make this stuff. Sleeping in on a weekday. The smell of fresh-baked pumpkin bread. Oh, and fresh-baked berry bread. Or both at the same time. Weekday afternoon sex. Spending a holiday with family who also happen to be friends. Thanksgiving for us was a success. We shopped for our groceries on Wednesday, fearing the crowds, but everything was right up front and we were in and out in no time. We got to sleep in on Thursday, and sleeping in is always nice, but it's double-nice when we normally have to work that day. Chris made not one, but two loaves of bread, one for dessert for the family and one for breakfast for us. After Chris got dirty in the kitchen we got dirty in the living room. The new sofa is perfect, in case you were wondering. Ahem. Then we cleaned up and went to my brother's house for a (mostly) relaxing dinner with him, his wife, his son, and our mom. Our nephew is a year-and-a-half, and is the most adorable little boy and just so much fun. Mom was her usual tense, uptight, spastic self (more on this later), but other than that, it was a great evening. I'm sure as I write this, people are busy pummeling each other for the right to buy the latest gadgets at super-discount prices. Hehe. Stay in your homes and you will not be hurt. No way are we doing any Xmas shopping today. We might brave Home Depot, but other than that, if we go near any malls, we're going in wearing body armor and a cup. There's not much better than relaxing on a Friday.

Thankful

There are many things in my life I am thankful for. In addition to the traditional things, I'm thankful that I'm gay. Being gay has opened my life to experiences I would never have had as a straight white male. I might have never seen the bigotry that seems inherent in organized religion. I might never have felt compassion and sympathy for minorities (racial, sexual, and any others) in the world. I might have grown up an ignorant, closed-minded, soulless individual. Thankfully, I didn't. I grew up gay, I survived to see adulthood, and I'm fortunate to have loving family and friends. And I am honored that others call me friend. To my friends, via blog and otherwise, I thank you for being yourselves and accepting me into your lives. May you have a warm, fun, and safe holiday weekend.

Best laid plans

Thanks everyone for the comments from my last post. Believe it or not, your reassurances made me feel better, and your ideas about life's passions gave me some things to think about. I guess I'm just jealous of those who seem to have found their passion(s) while mine continually elude me. Our weekend didn't really go as planned, though that's not a bad thing. We had planned to go to the Medieval Faire in Sarasota. We didn't go. Instead we went shopping. ;) We bought a few decor accessories and got lots of ideas for more decor changes. We spent the evenings playing Warcraft and enjoying the new sofa. I've been behind in my blog reading and commenting, so I apologize for not visiting. I will catch up this week. Hugs!

Passion

The condo finally sold after a 2-day delay and some extra confusion on the last day. Yaaay! So much relief. We celebrated by doing nothing. We sat on our asses, played Warcraft, and watched TV. It was nice to just relax. It's funny, whenever anyone asks me, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" I respond: "Sleep." There was a John Mayer concert on DirectTV this evening, and it was really neat to watch him sing and play his guitar. He really gets into his music. He has a lot of passion and it shows. His obvious passion for music reminded me that I'm still searching for my passion. Anyone seen it? Its last known location was north-northwest-southeast, wearing a tan trenchcoat, a green floppy hat, and Birkenstock sandals. It responds to the name, "Hey! Get off your ass and do something with your life you lazy bum!" No, seriously, how does one find one's passion? It certainly ain't what I'm doing now.

Condo and Solar

We went over to Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday to clean out the condo. We signed the sellers' documents on Tuesday morning, and the buyers are scheduled to sign their docs Thursday afternoon. We'll be getting the proceeds wired to our account, which we will then immediately put into our mortgage. Huge sigh of relief to immediately follow. Something I haven't blogged about much is the solar array we're adding to our house. A while back we decided to install solar electric panels to give us some backup power in case of a power outage, as well as to make our lives more environmentally friendly. Our original budget called for 0.96 kilowatts (6 160-watt panels). Our area of the country gets an average of 5 full-sun hours per day, so we could expect about 5 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per day. According to our electric bill, we use about 30 kWh per day in the winter and about 50 kWh in the summer. So our panels would provide between 10 and 15% of our energy. Not much, but it's a start. A few months ago we learned that Florida started a solar incentive plan which gives a $4/watt rebate. The 160-watt panels cost about $800 each retail, but the rebate knocks that down to about $160 each. Taking this into account, we can now budget for 18 panels (the most we can fit on our roof), which kicks our power output to 2.88 kW, close to 15 kWh per day. We'll be generating about half of our energy via solar during the winter! There are risks, of course. We have to pay for the panels up front and get them installed and then apply for the rebate, so its possible all the rebate money could be exhausted by the time our application gets approved. Of course, we'll be putting holes in the roof to mount the panels, and that makes me nervous. And the next hurricane could rip the whole thing down. Those are all "what-ifs," though, so we're not paying much attention to them. We have a good chance of getting the rebate, we're getting a professional installer to do the job, and you can't do anything about hurricanes except move. I know I owe y'all pictures of a lot of things. Add the solar to the list. Speaking of pictures, I don't have a HNT pic this week. Sorry for the "inconvenience." I'll try to get one for you next week. Hope everyone's having a good week. The weekend is almost here! *hugs*

Philosophy class

This story isn't new, but it gives me renewed focus whenever I re-read it. *********** A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items on the desk in front of him. When the class began, he picked up an empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles settled into the spaces between the golf balls. Again he asked the students if the jar was full. They reluctantly agreed it was, a little less sure of themselves. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining space. Once more he asked if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous, exasperated, "Yes!" and a smattering of giggling. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else were lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Go out with friends. There will always be time to clean the house and do the laundry. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students walked up to the front, produced two cans of beer and poured them into the jar, effectively filling the space between the grains of sand. The professor asked what he was doing. "Professor," he replied "I just wanted to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

Tennis players might have fuzzy balls

Today pretty much sucked. I was unmotivated, uninspired, and lethargic. I hate days like today. Things turned around at tennis this evening. I haven't played in a few weeks, but tonight everything went so well. My elbow didn't bother me, my shots were on, the other players were fun, it was just great all around. So I headed off the courts and toward my car. As I approached, a cute guy wandered over and said, "Hi. Is that a diesel?" We had a short conversation, he said, "Well, have a good night." I said, "You, too." He walked into the club and I drove off. About 30 seconds later, I almost turned around to find him and keep talking to him. Another blogger who I read regularly wrote recently about missed opportunities. I tried to find the blog but couldn't. I had just finished a great tennis session, was looking forward to dinner, wasn't at all expecting to meet anyone I might want to know better. Out of the blue comes exactly that: a person I might want to know better. Meeting people is something I want to be better at. I want to be better prepared, always ready for interesting people to pop out of the woodwork.

Workin' Out for HNT

While working out on Tuesday, I thought it might be neat to make a video of me working out for y'all. Or it might be scary. Either way, I did take video of my workout and I used Microsoft Movie Maker to add a little title screen. My very first video! *squeal* This video tells me two things: 1. I'm much skinnier than I thought. In fact, for all the time I put into working out, I'm skinny and weak. I'm not sure that's going to change. It's who I am right now. 2. I need to work on my form a little. My left arm is closer to my body than my right. I might actually start making more workout videos. I got some interesting insights into my form and workout speed. It's also motivating, in that I now know I need to work harder. Anyway, happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

I took a pole...

...and it was hot! Ahem. In election news, the positionless Republican candidate, Charlie Crist, won the Florida governorship. The day before the election, news broke that Crist doesn't support civil unions, even though in past statements he implied that he did. There are rumors that Crist is gay. Time will tell. Oh, to be a page in the Florida governor's mansion. Or do they have interns? The senate incumbent, Democrat Bill Nelson, beat Republican religious-right nutjob Katherine Harris. Harris still got 38% of the vote, which scares me. She doesn't believe in the separation of church and state, and is quoted as saying, "If you're not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin." In personal news, 2 days until sofa delivery. We hope we can restrain ourselves until the sofa delivery guys leave (unless they're cute). And next week we will be closing on the sale of our condo. It will be such a relief to be rid of that thing. Hope everyone has a Happy Hump Day!

Elections are a waste

Political signs are ubiquitous these days. Every person running for office has a sign. But what do these signs tell us about the candidates? Anything? From what I can tell, the only purpose of the signs is to make sure every man, woman, and child knows the name of the person running. I was driving down the street yesterday and saw a cluster of political signs. There were five or six signs for Charlie Crist. Now, let's assume I wasn't going to vote for Mr. Crist before I saw these signs. As the first sign came into view, I'm sure my reaction would be, "Hah. I'll never vote for that guy." Then, my eyes fell upon the second sign. My reaction: "Hah. He's an idiot." Third sign: "Hmm...I wonder if he might be ok." Fourth sign: "He's not that bad a fellow." Fifth sign: "His wife is hot. Oh, wait, that was his boyfriend." Sixth sign: "I'm gonna vote for Charlie Crist, goddamnit!" My reasoning was thrown into a tailspin, however, as I turned the corner and saw a row of Jim Davis signs. Oh, no! Let's tune in and see what happens... First sign: "Hah! I'm voting for Charlie Crist." Second sign: "Yeah, right. I'm not voting for some spineless Democrat." Third sign: "Well, the Democrats do have a better record on gay marriage." Fourth sign: "Ya' know, he did vote against the gay adoption ban." Fifth sign: "I bet he's a great kisser." Sixth sign: "I'm a Jim Davis supporter, through and through!" Well, by the time I got home, my circuits were so screwed up I just sat in a reclining chair, stared brainlessly at the wall and chugged rum until I passed out. It was good rum, too. I wonder, are all these signs recycled? Are they made out of recycled materials in the first place? Now, I'm all for being reasonable when it comes to the environment. I don't think we should all live in straw huts and use enviro-composting toilets. But given the number of signs I've seen, and given the real effectiveness of those signs, it seems a pretty large forest was sacrificed in the name of nothing. So, let's assume a law is passed banning political signs. The other major outlet for political advertising is television. I was at my dad's house a few weeks ago watching the first game of the World Series. Now, I have Tivo and I religiously skip commercials (one of the few religious things I do). My dad, however, didn't have Tivo. The result: over the course of the game, I saw the exact same ads, sometimes back-to-back, for the same candidates, about 20 times for each candidate. Let's imagine what my thought processes might have been: First ad from Charlie Crist: message: Jim Davis doesn't go to the office. My response: "Hmm, Jim Davis is a slacker, I'm voting for Crist." First ad from Jim Davis: message: Charlie Crist has no plan for tax relief. My response: "Hmm, I hate taxes. I want a governor who will give me the most money. I'm voting for Davis." Repeat first ad from Charlie Crist. Repeat first ad from Jim Davis. Throw in a few ads for candidates for Chief Financial Officer. Repeat a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Charlie Crist a few dozen times. Repeat ads for Jim Davis a few dozen times. Who the fuck won the game? Who knows. I think Charlie Crist was on first, and Jim Davis was on second, and the pitcher and catcher were in the dugout fucking each other's brains out. And I'm voting for the David Eckstein for president cuz he's cute. Again, I ended up at home in a reclining chair, staring into space, chugging rum. This time it was the cheap shit. My idea for elections: 1. No signs. No television ads. No radio ads. Save the tax payers a shitload of money and spend it on feeding homeless children. Take corporate contributions out of the loop because there's nothing to spend money on. 2. Schedule multiple debates between all the candidates over the course of the election. And I mean ALL THE CANDIDATES. No more of this excluding the independent candidates shit. 3. Each candidate is allowed to publish a summary of their stance on the issues in the newspaper along with their voting history. A separate section of the paper will be dedicated to this, and it will be provided free of charge at all newspaper outlets. Here's where the candidates can spend their millions of dollars in campaign money. 4. Election day is a national holiday and a retail-closed holiday. Anyone who is forced to work (e.g., gas-station attendants, hospital and police, etc.) will be given a special opportunity to vote, maybe the day before, similar to early voting. Hopefully doing elections this way would eliminate the waste and pollution, both in the environment and in our daily lives. I have a tendency to be naive and unsophisticated, so I'm sure there are all sorts of holes in these ideas. Feel free to comment and let me know.

Sunday Thoughts

A pair of Jehovah's witnesses came up the steps as Chris was making coffee this morning. He was naked, and he ran back into the bedroom to put on some shorts. I was a little disappointed Chris didn't answer the door naked, or at least call me out to speak with them (I was still in bed and also naked). I would have given them the full monty in a heartbeat. Today we decided to check out "Taste of the Town" in downtown Fort Myers. They advertised 3 stages, food from local restaurants, and a lot of people. We'd never been, so we didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be a half-decent event, though not for the supposed purpose of the event. The bands were excellent, the people watching was fantastic, but the food left a lot to be desired. It was expensive, and the food was either cold or stale. Next year, we'll bring chairs with us and go with a group of people and just camp out, people watch, listen to the music, and eat before we go. lol After we got back from TotT, I built a little monitor stand for my new monitor. I still have to paint it, so I'll take a picture of it once it's all done. We finished the day playing World of Warcraft. We hadn't played in a few months, but we picked up where we left off and did pretty well. It's a fun game, but it can easily eat up all your time if you're not careful. We're looking forward to the election. It will be encouraging to exercise our rights, and it will be a relief to be done with all the campaigns. Eventually this country will figure out how to do elections in a civilized manner. I can't imagine how many trees were sacrificed to make the bazillion campaign signs that are blanketing the country, and it's sick to think about all the money that was spent on campaign ads. How many people could we feed with that money?

Miss Elainey

I've been doing a lot more blog reading than blog writing of late. My moods have been good for the past couple days. I did start doing a detailed mood journal. I've got 2 days of data so far. I hope I can keep doing it. I will let you know how it goes. Not much is going on. We were planning to go boating today, but some lady named Gale is out there blowing as hard as she can. No way we're going out on the water. Last night I bought a new LCD monitor for work. It's a Samsung 204BW, 20" widescreen, $350 at CompUSA. It is sweet. It'll make work a lot easier, and more fun. (Did I just say that?) Now I gotta build a little stand for it, cuz my laptop docking station is one of those without a monitor stand. In other news, we ordered a sofa in July, and we got a call this morning telling us it will be delivered on Friday. When we ordered it, they said 8-12 weeks. It actually took 14 weeks. Something about the whole country of Italy taking the month of August off. Why can't they build these damn things here? Americans only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. We'd have had our sofa months ago. Of course, it would have collapsed within a week because Americans are overworked and stressed out to do a good job, but at least we would have had it. ;) Hope y'all have a great weekend. *hugs*

Searching for the lightswitch

It is as though a switch, hidden inside me where I cannot find it, was turned on. I am my normal self this morning. I have searched unsuccessfully for the location of this switch. I have no option but to keep searching. Looking at my blog, here are days I was in a funk: 11/1, 10/24, 10/8, 9/20, 9/1, 8/28, 8/14 There's no apparent pattern, but this is a very limited sample. Although I have been tinkering with my Effexor dosage in an effort to reduce the side-effects, I've been having these kinds of off-days for years, so I don't think the drugs are the cause. Too bad I didn't keep a mood log from before I started my blog. I know it's not realistic to expect every day to be sunshine and lollipops. My concern is that my moods don't seem to be related to any specific event. I'm not sad or angry about something, I'm just sad or angry. I wake up some days feeling out of sorts for no apparent reason. A detailed mood log along with a diet, exercise, and event log would probably help pinpoint the cause. Hehe, when I'm feeling good, I think I don't need to do that kind of thing, and when I'm feeling bad, I think that kind of thing is useless crap. I can hear my therapist saying with good-natured humor, "Well, the choice is entirely up to you. Do the work or not. I can't force you." Thanks for the comments yesterday. They helped.

Candy, Mood

We had a pretty good turnout for Hallowe'en last night. We have no candy left over, so that's a good thing. I've been in a pissy mood since last night. Everything's been pissing me off. I get this way sometimes. I just try to do nothing and see nobody and wait for it to pass. It always passes, it's just a matter of time. I've been to therapy for this with no resolution. I've been on several medications, and I still get this way no matter what I take. I try affirmations, I try to go into a different mental "room," I try yoga, I try meditation. Nothing works. Anyone know where I can get a lobotomy? Gaaaaah!