Berfday

Today I am 36. Physically, I feel about 29 (except my elbow, which feels 50). Emotionally and mentally, I feel about 20 (and going down). I have mixed feelings about birthdays. On the one hand there are the wonderful memories of parties and presents, the attention I got just for being born on this day. The proximity to Hallowe'en helped, as many of my early parties were pumpkin carving parties. On the other hand, as an adult (yeah, right), I feel awkward about mentioning my birthday, and I don't yearn for the attention like I used to. I don't really want presents, but I suppose I do like the spankings (did I just say that out loud?). So here I lay, all dressed up for my birthday, wondering what the day will bring.

I'm Baaaaaack

I'm back home from my trip to the office. The main purpose of the trip was training. My first class was a 3-hour "Networking" class. The course would be better titled "Building Relationships" instead of networking. The proposed bottom line for building relationships is to be a better person and others will want to be in meaningful relationships with you. I learned a lot and I hope I can apply it and become a better person. My second class was a technical class that was dry compared to the networking class. I still learned a lot though. During my visit, I discovered (or re-discovered) my enjoyment of solving technical challenges. Also, I realized how disconnected I have become from my co-workers and my job as a whole. I hope I can retain my inspiration and put effort into staying more in touch with my career and the people I work with. The other purpose of the trip was to gather any last items from the condo that we're selling. I spent the night in the condo boxing things up and making sure everything was ready for the sale. It was a little sad staying there. We've had the condo for about 6 years, and we put a lot of effort into cleaning it up, and now we're selling it. I told Chris when I got home that I didn't want to make that mistake again, that I wanted to stop dreaming about where we're going to live next and start dreaming about how we're going to make our current location our permanent home. I think he agrees. Chris has had the flu since Thursday and he's still feeling bad, so we spent today inside watching TV and movies. We watched the end of the World Series (TIVO'ed from last night). The MVP of the World Series was David Eckstein, the short-stop for the Cardinals. When the commissioner of baseball, Bud Selig, presented the trophy to David, he mis-pronounced David's last name (Bud said "Eck-steen", not "Eck-styne"). I laughed out loud. How can the grand-poobah of baseball mispronounce the name of one of the best-known players in the game? What a dork. David also was awarded a Chevrolet Corvette, but instead of a red Corvette (the Cardinals' color is red), he got a yellow Corvette. Go figure. Then we watched Troy. It was kind of slow-moving, but I found it entertaining. The eye candy helped. Brad Pitt must have really worked out to bulk up for this movie. Either that or his arms and chest were digitally enhanced. The shittiest part of the movie was the fact that they altered the relationship between Achilles (Brad Pitt) and Patroclus. In the movie they're cousins, but the historical myth portrays them as lovers. I've heard that Brad Pitt is desperate for a gay role after the success of Brokeback Mountain. He had one right under his nose and let it slip by. Shame on him. ;) That's all I got for now. Hope y'all are having a good weekend! *hugs*

On the road

I'm heading to Fort Lauderdale to go into the office for a couple days. I won't have connectivity for my personal computer, so I won't be blogging until late Friday night or Saturday sometime. I'll be thinking of y'all! Have a great rest of the week. *hugs*

Working Out

My "favorite" form of exercise is lifting freeweights. I put favorite in quotes because I'm not sure I truly enjoy it, but I get a lot of satisfaction out of it, I know it's good for me, and I feel better about myself after I do it. For a couple days after I work out, the muscles I worked are sore, and it's a soreness I've come to relish. I stretch the sore muscles frequently to feel the soreness, knowing that muscle-building is going on. I believe lifting weights sets me up for extended fat loss. Muscle tissue burns more calories than fat, so I burn more calories when I'm doing nothing. In addition, I believe the muscle repair process itself burns calories and redirects the food I eat into that process, thereby reducing fat storage. A few years ago I discovered Dave Draper's legacy. He was Mr. America, Mr. Olympia, Mr. World, and Mr. Universe in the late 60's and early 70's. During that time he earned the nickname "The Blond Bomber." He worked out with Arnold Schwarzenegger before Arnie was famous. Dave's legacy is in the form of a couple gyms in California, a fantastic website, multiple books, and a line of custom supplements. His website has tons and tons of info about working out, and I've found his books easy to read and get into. His writing style is very energetic and loose, almost as if he's there talking to you urging you on. I use his "Bomber Blend" protein powder. It's so easy to take I can take it with just water. I love the slogan on the container: "The secret is there is no secret....Spirited training and lots of protein." In other words, there are no short cuts to fitness. The only downside to Dave's philosophy, for me, is he is totally focused on muscle size and density, whereas I'm focused on maintenance and a balance of strength, endurance, and flexibility. My workout fluctuates based on what else is going on in my life. This past Monday, I did a full-body workout because I hadn't worked out in about 10 days and I played tennis recently. I did light weights and 1 or 2 sets per exercise. Here's what I did: Leg-raise: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Crunch: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Pilates jacknife crunch: no weight, 15 reps, 1 set Incline Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Decline Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Flat Dumbbell Press: 20lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 1 set Bent-over fly: 13lb dumbbells, 10 reps, 1 set Bent-over row: 40lb barbell, 10 reps, 2 sets Straight-leg Calf-raise w/20lb dumbbell: 15 reps per leg, 1 set Bent-leg Calf-raise w/1x20lb dumbbell: 15 reps per leg, 1 set Forward lunge w/2x20lb dumbbells: 12 lunges Backward lunge w/same weight: 6 lunges Sideways lunge w/same weight: 6 lunges Wide-stance squat w/same weight: 15 reps, 1 set Narrow-stance squat w/40lb barbell: 15 reps, 1 set Seated tricep press: 1x20lb dumbbell, 15 reps, 2 sets Seated dumbbell curl: 13lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 2 sets Front shoulder raise: 13lb dumbbells, 15 reps, 2 sets I had to back off the weight on the triceps and biceps due to my tennis elbow. I tried heavier weights and felt immediate pain, but the lighter weight let me do the exercises. I normally do 20lb or 30lb dumbbells. During weeks I play tennis, I usually do this routine between tennis days. During weeks I don't play tennis, I sometimes focus on one area of the body each day and increase the number of sets and different exercises I do for that body part. For example, if I'm focusing on chest and back, I'll do lateral flies and bent-over dumbbell rows in addition to at least double the number of sets of the above chest and back exercises. Once I've gone through a week of exercise, I also increase the weight. This all makes it sound like I'm some kind of exercise freak. I'm actually not. The amount of weight I do is pretty light, and sometimes I get down to my weight bench and have no enthusiasm for it and give up. If I'm doing nothing but weights for a week, I might do 3 or 4 days a week. Most weeks, though, I only do 1 or 2 days of weights, a couple days of tennis, and sometimes I throw in a day or 2 of jogging. The list of exercises seems intimidating, but when I started, I started slow, doing just a few exercises at first. As I got comfortable with the weights, I added exercises. I do everything with dumbbells and a barbell and a simple bench, so there's nothing complex about the exercises themselves. My workout music of choice is Linkin Park. I have their two main albums on repeat and their remix album in there, too. My backup music is Green Day. So there's a summary of my weight training. It's a pretty big part of my life. If I ever found myself unable to train with weights, I'd feel a bit lost and lazy. Through weight training I hope to maintain muscle mass and prevent future injury by keeping the muscles, bones, and support structures fit.

Self-Conscious

Sorry for the double-post today. My muse was late waking up. I guess he needed a cup of coffee or something. Anyway, here's my thought for today. I used to love to dance, but I would only dance if I was drunk. Once I got started (dancing, that is), it was difficult to get me to stop. I've been known to hit people while resisting being pulled from the dance floor (again, I was drunk, not that being drunk is a good excuse for hitting people). I'm coming up on 2 years without drinking, so I'm also coming up on 2 years without dancing. There have been many times that I've felt like dancing, and we've even gone to a few dance clubs with the intention of dancing, but never got out on the dance floor. I long for the days (nights) of losing myself in a trance of mindless rhythm, the release of physical exertion, the deep vibrations of the bass permeating my body, my eyes closed as I embrace the music. I think the bottom line is that I'm very self-conscious about my dancing abilities, and unless I've got some external influence to loosen me up, I'm too uptight to start. That's probably the biggest lure of drinking: the release of inhibitions. I don't plan to start drinking again, but I want to start dancing again. Anyone wanna dance with me?

Slump Cycle

I seem to be in a little slump again. Not much to say. We're in the middle of a "cold" snap (it was 55 out this morning), so our cat is very unhappy. Having no fur, she likes warm temperatures. I put her binky in the dryer to warm it up, so she's snuggled in that for now. This is her, outside when it was warm: Stay warm everyone! *hugs*

Work 2, Off 5?

Chris and I went to visit my dad in Sarasota for the weekend. We played some tennis, dad cooked steaks on the grill, and we watched the first game of the World Series. My dad is a life-long Cardinals fan, but I was born in Detroit, so we're rooting for different teams this year. On our way back from Sarasota, we took a detour through downtown Venice. One of our favorite restaurants is the Crow's Nest overlooking the Venice inlet. We had the patio overlooking the marina to ourselves for most of the afternoon. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, and we were very relaxed by the time we left. So now we're chillin' at home watching game 2 of the World Series. I swear we should have to work only 2 days a week and get 5 days off. The weekends seem to go by too quickly.

Manatee Sighting

We saw our first manatee in the canal today. We've heard many people talk about seeing manatees in the area, but never seen one ourselves. I was sitting on the back patio and heard it come to the surface and take a breath. It hung out in the canal for a couple hours. Manatees are very, very slow-moving creatures. It was both intriguing and sad to see it. Intriguing of course to see a creature in its natural habitat. Sad because the manatee is endangered and because it's a good bet that the manatee had propeller marks on its back. It never got close enough for us to get a good look, but every single other manatee we've seen has had marks on its back. We also felt a little guilty because we have an outboard motor on our boat. We've never hit a manatee, but the way it was moving, we might very well hit one, even as slow as we go (about 6 mph max). The manatee wouldn't be able to get out of our way, and it would be hard to see it in the water unless it was fully on the surface (see the pics below). From the pics you can't tell if it's a manatee or a mound of sludge, but trust me, it was a manatee.

Elbows and Skin

I've been away from the tennis court for a week. Last week my elbow started hurting, and last Thursday when I played it started really hurting. So I took a week off from tennis, and I've been using my left hand for a lot of things (get your mind out of the gutter, or at least invite me into the gutter) to give my elbow a rest. I've got lessons tonight, so we'll see how things go. Here's a pic of my ailing elbow. It doesn't look sick, does it? In other news, I had two suspicious skin "spots" removed last week for biopsies. Awaiting the results. This is the first skin issues I've had, and I expect to have many more being a fair-skinned redhead. My grandparents also had skin issues. It seemed like whenever I saw them there was a bandage on their face or neck somewhere. That's all I got for now. One more day till Friday! *hugs*

More Details

I'm finally getting back into a normal pattern of life. This past weekend was such a great time, Chris and I both felt totally disconnected from all the normal stresses of life. I'll probably blabber on about how much fun we had for a while. I apologize in advance. I've got 10 more details to add to my 100 details list. The first list had 20 items on it, so I'm up to 30. I'm probably putting too much thought into these, but that's what I do sometimes. Maybe that should be detail #31. Hope y'all are doing great! *Hugs* 21. I feel a need to apologize for my faults, sometimes ahead of time. 22. I love M*A*S*H, both the movie and TV show. 23. The solar panels we're getting on our house will generate 0.96 kilowatts. It's a start. 24. My favorite place on the planet is probably Key West. 25. My favorite position is the missionary position because I like to see, kiss, and touch the person I'm with. 26. I like porn. 27. I would like to learn sign language (American Sign Language (ASL) is the only one I know of). 28. I would like to learn a spoken language besides English. I speak just enough Spanish to order another beer and ask where the bathroom is. 29. I have traveled to Europe twice. The first time was a tour of London, Amsterdam, Cologne, and the Rhine region of Germany. The second time was to Spain, where we toured the south coast, drove up to Avila in central Spain, and ended in Barcelona. 30. I love to sail. I am captivated by the idea that a boat can move without an engine of any kind.

Heaven is Other People

Sartre had it all wrong. Chris and I went to Gay Pride Orlando this past weekend, and it was pure heaven because of Spider, Sorted, Tony, MiKell and his partner, and several other new friends from the Orlando area. Boys, we can't thank you enough. You're awesome!

Important numbers

Funny how we seem to like nice, round numbers. 10, 100, a dozen, a score (20). We always seem to want to round up or down. Some important numbers don't fit this concept, though. 7 is one example. There are many, many meanings to the number 7, as shown on its Wikipedia page. 13 is another one of those non-round numbers that holds much meaning (and also has a Wikipedia page). Some people even have fears about this one. It's called triskaidekaphobia. Say that 10 (13?) times fast while eating crackers and peanut butter. The reason I mention numbers is two-fold. First, today is Friday the 13th, probably the only day in history to spawn 10 movies and a TV series. Now that's important. Second, and more importantly, this is my 69th post. Ahh, what a wonderful number. It brings to mind the ability to both give and receive, which is so important in life. After all, how can you receive love if you don't give it? How can you expect charity from others if you don't give of yourself to others? In this light, I would like to thank my blogger friends for all that you have given me. For the glimpses into your lives, and for the advice, support, or just a brief comment to say 'hi.' All these things mean a lot to me and I want you to know that I appreciate your presence. Although I wrote this post with tongue firmly planted in cheek, my thanks and appreciation are sincere. I hope that I can give back what I have received. Hugs to everyone. Have a great weekend!

HHNT

Inspired by comments from last night's post, here's a pic of me in a kilt. This is the first kilt I bought (I own 3, all from UtiliKilts). I've lost quite a bit of weight, so I had to cinch it up with a belt. Even then it's barely hanging onto my hips. And to answer the universal question: "Absolutely nothing." Hope everyone's having a great Thursday, and hope you're doing it half-nekkid. ;)

Halloween Meme

Doug took my blogger-tag virginity and tagged me with this meme. I hope it was as good for him as it was for me. ;) 1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? The Shining. I saw this in college, and they played "The Postman Always Rings Twice" and "The Shining" in a Jack Nicholson double-feature. "The Shining" ended at midnight, and I walked home through uptown New Orleans. I was so scared, I walked in the middle of the street because I couldn't see into the shadows near the sidewalks. 2. What was your favorite Halloween Costume from childhood? When I was about 6, my mom made me a devil costume, all red fabric with a red hood with horns and a stuffed tail. 3. If you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this Halloween? A real Scottish kilt with all the accessories. 4. When was the last time you went Trick Or Treating? Hmmm....must be middle school? Early 80's. 5. What's your favorite Halloween Candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. 6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you had. I have a recurring nightmare that I get right before I get the flu or strep throat. It involves a giant ceiling fan, and I'm standing on the top of the main body of the fan, and the blades are spinning very fast, and there's a terrible wind. Then I wake up the next morning with a sore throat and body aches. I've had this dream about a half-dozen times in my life. 7. What is your Supernatural Fear? I'm not sure I have one. I have very little belief in the supernatural, so I'm able to rationalize away most of my fears. 8. What is your Creepy-Crawlie Fear? It's not so much a creey-crawlie, but a buzzing-flying: wasps, bees, hornets, and anything that looks like it might sting me. I'm never so ashamed as after a post-wasp freak-out. 9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost, or heard something go Bump in the night. I never have, but I would like to (see next question). 10. Would you ever stay in a real Haunted House overnight? Absolutely. I would love to meet a ghost and see what s/he is all about. 11. Are you a traditionalist (just a face) Jack O'Lantern Carver, or do you get really creative with your pumpkins? I'm not a very originally creative person, so I stick to the basics with my JoL's. 12. How much do you decorate your home for Halloween? Not at all. Although I love the history and legends behind Halloween, I hate the marketing and hype surrounding the holiday (and most other holidays, too). 13. What do you want on your Tombstone? "I'm here, I'm queer, I'm dead." Ok, maybe not.

Eyes on the weekend

Although we had a great day Sunday, I've been feeling a little anti-social the past couple of days, so I haven't written much. We watched the movie "Hoot" yesterday. It was a very cute, very inspiring film. If you're into environmental protection, or just want to see a fun feel-good movie about kids and owls, "Hoot" is a pretty good bet. The DVD extras were great, too, almost better than the movie itself. Yesterday evening I went to the used bookstore and bought "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz has some interesting ideas about how to live a happy and free life. It is spiritual without being preachy, which I appreciated. One of my weak points is spirituality, so this wasn't too painful in that respect. It's a short book, and I finished it in a few hours. I have read reviews of this book that said it just rehashes other people's ideas, but most of it was new to me. I will be re-reading it in the near future. We're really looking forward to our trip to Orlando this weekend to meet Spider and some of the Orlando blogger gang. This will be our first time meeting blogger friends, so we're excited and a little nervous. Not sure what we're nervous about. It's not like they bite (well, maybe Spider does). I hope everyone's doing well. Hugs all around.

Eyes on the weekend

Although we had a great day Sunday, I've been feeling a little anti-social the past couple of days, so I haven't written much. We watched the movie "Hoot" yesterday. It was a very cute, very inspiring film. If you're into environmental protection, or just want to see a fun feel-good movie about kids and owls, "Hoot" is a pretty good bet. The DVD extras were great, too, almost better than the movie itself. Yesterday evening I went to the used bookstore and bought "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz has some interesting ideas about how to live a happy and free life. It is spiritual without being preachy, which I appreciated. One of my weak points is spirituality, so this wasn't too painful in that respect. It's a short book, and I finished it in a few hours. I have read reviews of this book that said it just rehashes other people's ideas, but most of it was new to me. I will be re-reading it in the near future. We're really looking forward to our trip to Orlando this weekend to meet Spider and some of the Orlando blogger gang. This will be our first time meeting blogger friends, so we're excited and a little nervous. Not sure what we're nervous about. It's not like they bite (well, maybe Spider does). I hope everyone's doing well. Hugs all around.

Sailing

Yesterday we went sailing. It was perfect weather for it: a steady breeze, lots of sunshine, and not too hot. So, for a few hours, we heard nothing but the wind and the waves. It's nice to get away from it all, and Chris and I feel much better today. Thanks for all the hugs and well-wishes. Happy Columbus Day to those of you who have the day off. Happy Thanksgiving Day to everyone in Canuck-land.

Humanity is a Cancer

Torn recently defined cancer as "your own cells turning against you." My comment was, "by that definition, humanity is a cancer." Well, here's one of our cancerous cells: One or more people at Ruckus Network Inc. created a fake profile on Facebook.com to dupe people into giving their email addresses so Ruckus could send unsolicited advertising. The rumor is that the profile was created by a "zealous young Ruckus employee, who still works at the company." I can just imagine the glee of upper management over the "initiative" taken by this young up-and-comer. I can hear the self-satisfied chuckles about how lucky this company feels to have such a wonderfully creative person working for them. The rest of the article describes other lengths to which people will go to make a buck. Ugh, I gotta get out of this funk I've been in for the past couple days. I'm oppressed by bad news, sad thoughts, and a feeling of dread.

Stresses and Successes

Stresses and Successes Ok, stresses first to get them out of the way. Chris's job is to support a production computer environment. Yesterday, a problem came up on a system that he inherited from another group, and the only person who knows anything about the system has left the company. So he spent most of the day and night on the phone working with his team trying to figure out the problem. In addition, his company apparently didn't renew its support agreement with the software vendor, so they didn't have vendor support. The stupid part of this is that his office is not closed off from the main part of the house. And in order to be heard on the phone, he had to shout. So I was pretty much shouted out of the house last night. As if Chris didn't have enough stress, he got a call at 4:30 this morning about another problem. And when he got up for "regular" work today, he's right back on the phone still working on yesterday's problem. It sounds like management has fucked things up at his company. They've let support agreements lapse, they've understaffed internal support teams, and the applications and systems they're developing are slipshod and unstable. "Faster-Better-Cheaper" equates to "Crappier." To add to this morning's stress, ants have invaded our house. The exterminator was just here last week, so either he scared the ants out of their hiding place, or he didn't setup enough of a barrier to keep them out. I called them and they're sending someone out next week. Until then, we do our own spraying. *deep breath* *sigh* I feel better. Thanks for listening. On to the successes! We've made a few improvements to the house in the past month. First is the lattice on the front of the house. Before the lattice: After the lattice: Side note: my camera had a hell of a time taking a picture of the lattice. It kept coming out smeared. The size of the file is almost twice as large as other pictures, so it must have something to do with the pattern of the lattice and all the angles and vectors involved. Another project is to frame all the windows. I forgot to take a 'before' picture, but here's what one of the windows looks like now: I cut all the corners at a 45-degree angle, which turned out to be harder than I thought. I went through a couple extra boards trying to get it right. We're not sure if we need to replace the baseboard or if it's okay as it is. Any opinions? And lastly, Chris purchased and mounted a Weems and Plath ship's bell clock. It dings every hour and half-hour, and the number of dings tells you the time (or in my case, it reminds me to look at the clock so I know what time it is). The next part of the project is to mount a matching barometer.

HHNT

Ok, this was inspired by Perisan Guy and his discussion of chest hair. I love guys be they hairy, smooth, or somewhere in between. I myself am smooth-chested. I have a little hair around my nipples, and one lone "chest hair" around my upper abs. So for Half-Nekkid Thursday, here's a pic of my lone chest hair. Enjoy!

Life House

Every so often I feel a bit overwhelmed by events in my life and in the world. Who doesn't? Lately I've been trying to reduce my stress levels, stay more focused when I need to, and be generally more carefree. Something that might help me with all these things is what I call my "Life House." A method that orators use to remember a speech is to visualize themselves in a house, and for each part of their speech, visualize a different room. As they progress through their speech, they can imagine themselves walking through the rooms of the house. It is supposed to help them remember the speech and the order of the speech. In the same manner as an orator's house, I've come up with a list of separate rooms that I can use to compartmentalize aspects of my life. My hope is when I feel too many pressures, I can visualize one of my rooms and focus on what I need to focus on. Another hope is that conceptually I can leave stuff in their respective rooms and therefore not have to worry about everything all at once. So, here's my initial list of rooms. Politics and current events Gay rights Finances Social life Career Hobbies and diversions Family Home Health Meditation Anyone use a similar method? Side note: I just took the Nerd/Geek/Dork Test, and my scores came back "Average Joe." I wonder if the test wasn't off by a little bit. ;) Just kidding.

Gay Banditos

And the Lord said, "Let there be YouTube," and there was much rejoicing in the land. yaaay. Not work safe.

Lab Lemmings

The recent plague of personality tests on blogs has me thinking. According to the test, both Doug and I have a high degree of neurosis. Spider says his results are so whacked he won't even post them. Others are afraid to take the test. If I were take the test results seriously, I might be worried I'm not good enough or I'm not calm enough or I just don't measure up (to whatever standard). In fact, the biggest neurosis may be believing that the big red bar is right. Tim said it well: "Those things are fun to look at, but I wouldnt place too much weight on it." Another thought I had was that this test (and other blog "phenomena") may be test cases in a sociology student's doctoral thesis. We may all be lab rats in someone's maze, and because these blog phenomena are self-propagating, that makes us more lemmings than rats. I probably won't avoid future blog phenomena, but I will certainly take them with a grain of salt. And finally, it's funny that we need a test to determine who we are. When the test results come back describing some kind of horrific trait, we accept it as fact and discount all the positive aspects and interactions we have in our lives. It's amazing how easy it is to forget the ancient aphorism, "Know thyself." We let a silly test divert us from our own identity and let someone else tell us who we are. So, my message to all my blog friends is this: I've read your blogs for a few months now, and I can tell you that no matter what the test results say, you're okay. You're good people, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Am I crazy?

This has been going around the blogosphere, so I figured I'd try it out. Like a horoscope, parts of it are accurate and parts are not. One cool thing is that this shows me some things about myself I want to change. For example: Accurate: * Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. * You often need privacy and time for yourself. Inaccurate: * Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. * You feel enraged when things do not go your way. Accurate things I want to change: * You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. * Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. * You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Anyway, according to the test, I'm an "agreeable neurotic." I'm not sure, but isn't that an oxymoron? My Personality

Neuroticism	76
Extraversion	3
Openness To Experience	21
Agreeableness	91
Conscientiousness	18

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Neuroticism Overall Score 76 Anxiety 55 Anger 82 Depression 46 Self-Consciousness 83 Immoderation 48 Vulnerability 92 You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense. You feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Extraversion Overall Score 3 Friendliness 37 Gregariousness 8 Assertiveness 1 Activity Level 10 Excitement-Seeking 17 Cheerfulness 27 You generally make friends easily enough although you mostly don't go out of your way to demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. Openness To Experience Overall Score 21 Imagination 1 Artistic Interests 40 Emotionality 65 Adventurousness 19 Intellect 1 Liberalism 87 You prefer facts over fantasy and are more interested in what is happening in the real word. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity. Agreeableness Overall Score 91 Trust 61 Morality 72 Altruism 80 Cooperation 93 Modesty 74 Sympathy 90 You mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank and sincere. People find it relatively easy to relate to you. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Conscientiousness Overall Score 18 Self-Efficacy 1 Orderliness 80 Dutifulness 28 Achievement-Striving 4 Self-Discipline 17 Cautiousness 56 Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You are not an overly cautious person. You will think about alternatives and consequences but make up your mind fairly quickly.